I have felt pretty beaten down recently. I never want to get to the point where I am too stressed and busy to actively love the people around me. I have felt that way recently, for months now. Knowing that I am in such a state stresses me out even more because I lose all sense of purpose and feel as though I am wasting my life.
And I've also become disillusioned and cynical. I don't want to think up new ways of spreading God's love because I don't think I or anyone around me has the time or energy to actually implement it.
I look at the state of my heart with its many contradictions and apathies and get frustrated and burnt out. I want to be a better person, a stronger woman and a wonderful example. I want to sparkle with all of joy's brilliance and radiate an integrity-filled passion for following Jesus. I am not that person, and this knowledge beats me down even further.
It occurred to me recently that I am drawing from an empty well. I don't bother with a "daily personal devotions" because I figure, most Christians throughout the centuries didn't have devotional books or even Bibles. And frankly, it drives me nuts when people hype up setting aside 15 minutes a day to pray and read their Bible as the epitome of what it means to live your life for God.
And though I do not think its a biblical mandate to have daily personal devotions, I think I am missing something.
So, last night as it poured rain, my friend Katie and I decided to go out in it. I made us some flower crowns for our heads to remind ourselves that we were Children of the King. We clasped hands and we skipped, danced and sang worship song after worship song at the top of our lungs, even as our voices grew more and more hoarse and less and less lovely. It felt very Old-Testament-prophet-y and it was the most uninhibited thing I have done in a very long time. We skipped and danced and sang for God last night and for no one else. We stomped on through our student ghetto with conviction and laughter and I hope it made God smile. It was raining, and our wells began to fill.
Ultimately, it IS all about Jesus. ALL this is for Him, and though as long as I am on this earth, all I will ever be able to do is limp after Him haphazardly, I NEED to REGULARLY turn that limp into an awkward dance, enter into His presence and be filled up by Him. I NEED to spend time remembering that I am His beloved Child and I am not just a description of my various pointless activities or the sum of my mistakes. I am HIS and He has much to restore me with. I really should know by now that I am not supposed to go about spreading God's love without having first dwelt in Him myself.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
A New Blog!
Christians who think that the purchases they make are irrelevant to what it means to follow Jesus make me angry.
I decided to do something about it. Check it out:
Consuming Justice to bring about Peace
I decided to do something about it. Check it out:
Consuming Justice to bring about Peace
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
(Seniors in) Social Activism - Informational and Collaborative Session
I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
I work in the kitchen at an upscale retirement home. Its lovely, and very much about keeping the seniors entertained, like a never-ending cruise vacation. Many of the residents are still in their right minds. I know that if I was in their position, I would find this environment stifling. I felt that maybe the seniors were thirsty for something more meaningful. I decided to start a Social Activism Club.
After I got the okay from my boss, I booked the theatre and arrived early to rearrange the seating at the front into a circle for a discussion. The first lady rolled in and sat way at the back. I encouraged her to come closer but she informed me that she always sat in the back and she liked it best there. We got in a nice discussion anyway and I felt like I made a new friend.
Soon about nine more people came, including a woman in her thirties who works for one of the residents. I introduced myself and explained that this was to be a collaboration session for a social justice club. I told them about my idea to pick issues that we cared about. Then we could get together and do something about those issues. I suggested letter writing to governments or newspapers, sock knitting, cookie baking and encouragement card making. I asked what people thought.
Cue the crickets.
I shuffled in my seat awkwardly. The young woman smirked at me.
"Is this something you guys would be interested in doing?" I probed.
"Well, as far as resources go, we have money." a man said.
I said I didn't want this to be about spending money, but he made the point that the people who lived here were definitely not short on cash. I realized that I wasn't used to dealing with people who had money, so I decided to be open to the idea.
"Then maybe we could sponsor a low-income family!" I suggested.
"I don't want to donate anything!" an angry woman cried out. "I donate to the blind, I give my clothes to the Salvation Army! I've been giving my whole life! I don't want to spend more money!"
"Well, is there any issue you'd be interested in getting involved in?" I asked her.
"No, not really!" she replied, crossing her arms.
"Stephen Harper was in town," a voice called from a couple rows back. "Did you know that?"
I affirmed that I did.
He went on, "I didn't know he was here until I read it in the paper myself. And do you know why he was here? His son had a volleyball tournament. How come we didn't find out the results of the volleyball tournament? Why wasn't that in the paper? Thousands of people come to our city for a tournament and we don't even find out the results! That's something we could write to the paper about!"
"I don't care about volleyball!" the angry woman called out.
"Probably they all only came to see the prime minister," another lady cracked.
Then someone mused about how she didn't know who to vote for. I said that was something we could discuss. Someone asked me if our area's representatives were coming to the home. I said I didn't know.
A discussion began about how we should write letters telling our local government to place a few benches between the retirement home and the nearby mall so that residents could walk to the mall comfortably.
Around this time, my new friend, the lady in the very back, got up and left.
A woman who came in late piped up, "I missed the first part of this meeting. I was wondering, what does justice in Canada have to do with justice in the theatre?"
*Umm, what?* I explained my idea again and tried to explain to her that though we were meeting in the theatre, we weren't trying to achieve justice for the theatre. I asked if that clarified things for her. She said it didn't. I didn't know what to say.
Group discussion continued, this time about pension plans and how the roads in our area aren't what they used to be. For most of this part I just sat there bewildered.
I realized that activism might be too high a goal at this point. They sure seemed to like to discuss things though.
I proposed an idea. Maybe we could start a discussion forum on issues of social justice. This idea seemed to be received well. I looked at my watch. 2:35. We were supposed to go until 2:45 but I figured there wasn't much point in continuing so I closed the meeting. This made some of the ladies mad.
"What are we supposed to do with the next half hour?!"
"I thought this well supposed to go until 3!"
"Well, I guess I can read a book or something..."
Some of the men stayed behind. We got in a discussion about whether or not unions have made things better for the average working man in the last 50 years. One guy formerly worked for unions while the other had worked in management his whole life. Themes of socialism, feminism and materialism were brought up. My heart leaped. Coherent discussions could be had after all!
Perhaps there is hope for my little club!
I will certainly do things differently next time. I plan on breaking people off into smaller groups to be guided by discussion sheets. I plan on asking questions that will allow for them to incorporate their own personal experiences into their answers. Hopefully that works out less awkwardly. In any case, I'm sure its only me and the other young woman who remember how awkward the last session was.
I will probably do it differently the third time I go about this. After all, I have no idea what I'm doing.
And if this doesn't work out, that's okay too. But it would be cool if it did.
I work in the kitchen at an upscale retirement home. Its lovely, and very much about keeping the seniors entertained, like a never-ending cruise vacation. Many of the residents are still in their right minds. I know that if I was in their position, I would find this environment stifling. I felt that maybe the seniors were thirsty for something more meaningful. I decided to start a Social Activism Club.
After I got the okay from my boss, I booked the theatre and arrived early to rearrange the seating at the front into a circle for a discussion. The first lady rolled in and sat way at the back. I encouraged her to come closer but she informed me that she always sat in the back and she liked it best there. We got in a nice discussion anyway and I felt like I made a new friend.
Soon about nine more people came, including a woman in her thirties who works for one of the residents. I introduced myself and explained that this was to be a collaboration session for a social justice club. I told them about my idea to pick issues that we cared about. Then we could get together and do something about those issues. I suggested letter writing to governments or newspapers, sock knitting, cookie baking and encouragement card making. I asked what people thought.
Cue the crickets.
I shuffled in my seat awkwardly. The young woman smirked at me.
"Is this something you guys would be interested in doing?" I probed.
"Well, as far as resources go, we have money." a man said.
I said I didn't want this to be about spending money, but he made the point that the people who lived here were definitely not short on cash. I realized that I wasn't used to dealing with people who had money, so I decided to be open to the idea.
"Then maybe we could sponsor a low-income family!" I suggested.
"I don't want to donate anything!" an angry woman cried out. "I donate to the blind, I give my clothes to the Salvation Army! I've been giving my whole life! I don't want to spend more money!"
"Well, is there any issue you'd be interested in getting involved in?" I asked her.
"No, not really!" she replied, crossing her arms.
"Stephen Harper was in town," a voice called from a couple rows back. "Did you know that?"
I affirmed that I did.
He went on, "I didn't know he was here until I read it in the paper myself. And do you know why he was here? His son had a volleyball tournament. How come we didn't find out the results of the volleyball tournament? Why wasn't that in the paper? Thousands of people come to our city for a tournament and we don't even find out the results! That's something we could write to the paper about!"
"I don't care about volleyball!" the angry woman called out.
"Probably they all only came to see the prime minister," another lady cracked.
Then someone mused about how she didn't know who to vote for. I said that was something we could discuss. Someone asked me if our area's representatives were coming to the home. I said I didn't know.
A discussion began about how we should write letters telling our local government to place a few benches between the retirement home and the nearby mall so that residents could walk to the mall comfortably.
Around this time, my new friend, the lady in the very back, got up and left.
A woman who came in late piped up, "I missed the first part of this meeting. I was wondering, what does justice in Canada have to do with justice in the theatre?"
*Umm, what?* I explained my idea again and tried to explain to her that though we were meeting in the theatre, we weren't trying to achieve justice for the theatre. I asked if that clarified things for her. She said it didn't. I didn't know what to say.
Group discussion continued, this time about pension plans and how the roads in our area aren't what they used to be. For most of this part I just sat there bewildered.
I realized that activism might be too high a goal at this point. They sure seemed to like to discuss things though.
I proposed an idea. Maybe we could start a discussion forum on issues of social justice. This idea seemed to be received well. I looked at my watch. 2:35. We were supposed to go until 2:45 but I figured there wasn't much point in continuing so I closed the meeting. This made some of the ladies mad.
"What are we supposed to do with the next half hour?!"
"I thought this well supposed to go until 3!"
"Well, I guess I can read a book or something..."
Some of the men stayed behind. We got in a discussion about whether or not unions have made things better for the average working man in the last 50 years. One guy formerly worked for unions while the other had worked in management his whole life. Themes of socialism, feminism and materialism were brought up. My heart leaped. Coherent discussions could be had after all!
Perhaps there is hope for my little club!
I will certainly do things differently next time. I plan on breaking people off into smaller groups to be guided by discussion sheets. I plan on asking questions that will allow for them to incorporate their own personal experiences into their answers. Hopefully that works out less awkwardly. In any case, I'm sure its only me and the other young woman who remember how awkward the last session was.
I will probably do it differently the third time I go about this. After all, I have no idea what I'm doing.
And if this doesn't work out, that's okay too. But it would be cool if it did.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Serve Anyway
The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith
1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© 1968, 2001 Kent M. Keith
"The Paradoxical Commandments" were written by Kent M. Keith in 1968 as part of a booklet for student leaders.
by Dr. Kent M. Keith
1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© 1968, 2001 Kent M. Keith
"The Paradoxical Commandments" were written by Kent M. Keith in 1968 as part of a booklet for student leaders.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
44/52 - An Ecumenical Experiment
A theme that seems to be developing in various aspects of my life, but especially within the commmunity house (now called The Harbour, by the way) has been the idea of the need for unity among Christians, despite our differing opinions and backgrounds.
Within this house and associated boyfriends, at least six different denominations are represented - Reformed, Baptist, Pentacostal, Mennonite and United.
Some of us have a more conservative way of viewing life and faith and how it should be lived out and some of us are more liberal. Yet all of us are committed to our one God, this community and to learning how to coexist and love each other.
I believe then, that a valuable mission this house could undertake would be in learning to listen to not just each other's voices, but the voices of various congregations within the city of Waterloo.
Online, there are forty-four churches that advertise on the City of Waterloo's website: http://www.city.waterloo.on.ca/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabID=260.
I think it would be an interesting experiment with Christian unity and mutual understanding to visit each of these churches on a typical Sunday morning, e-mailing each of them ahead of time explaining who we are and what we are doing, attaching a short survey asking their perspectives on what it means to follow Jesus, who in their congregation does an exemplary job of doing this and what about their denomination or congregation is most misunderstood by the Church of general public. Finally, we will invite each pastor and his/her family to come over to our house for lunch after the service.
The goal would be to gain a more thorough understanding of the Christian spectrum within Waterloo, gaining their perspectives on us and what we do as a house and to promote the importance of ecumenism in Waterloo.
I hypothesize that there is a wealth of untapped potential in various sincere Christian voices listening to and understanding each other, even if those voices may contradict at times.
Within this house and associated boyfriends, at least six different denominations are represented - Reformed, Baptist, Pentacostal, Mennonite and United.
Some of us have a more conservative way of viewing life and faith and how it should be lived out and some of us are more liberal. Yet all of us are committed to our one God, this community and to learning how to coexist and love each other.
I believe then, that a valuable mission this house could undertake would be in learning to listen to not just each other's voices, but the voices of various congregations within the city of Waterloo.
Online, there are forty-four churches that advertise on the City of Waterloo's website: http://www.city.waterloo.on.ca/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabID=260.
I think it would be an interesting experiment with Christian unity and mutual understanding to visit each of these churches on a typical Sunday morning, e-mailing each of them ahead of time explaining who we are and what we are doing, attaching a short survey asking their perspectives on what it means to follow Jesus, who in their congregation does an exemplary job of doing this and what about their denomination or congregation is most misunderstood by the Church of general public. Finally, we will invite each pastor and his/her family to come over to our house for lunch after the service.
The goal would be to gain a more thorough understanding of the Christian spectrum within Waterloo, gaining their perspectives on us and what we do as a house and to promote the importance of ecumenism in Waterloo.
I hypothesize that there is a wealth of untapped potential in various sincere Christian voices listening to and understanding each other, even if those voices may contradict at times.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I'm Bored.
A few times a week it is only me and my boss in the kitchen for roughly half an hour. A couple months ago I attempted to tell him about the community house but really butchered it and basically made it sound like I was part of a cult. I've been attempting to redeem that image of us for him ever since.
When he asks me what I did on the weekend, I occasionally have an opportunity to tell him about SHOW, an apartment complex built by local churches that houses formerly homeless people. I was there last week as well, so I told him about my experience that week.
That week at SHOW one of the residents made a big, awkward, threatening kerfuffle as we all sat around in the common room eating cookies and playing cards with the residents. It lasted a while, him walking around shouting about how he didn't like Christians, getting close to people's faces and insulting them. I was terrified. Eventually one of the workers at SHOW who was a woman came in and calmed him done. I want to be like her when I grow up.
So I had the opportunity to explain this situation to my boss. He said it was a shame that stuff like that happens because it might prevent people from going back. I explained to him that I think everyone gets a high from something. Sometimes its alcohol, sports, drugs, the outdoors, dangerous sports... people seem to like the thrill of not quite knowing what will happen. I explained to him that these kinds of occurrences are how I get my high.
And last night we talked about war and peace in Forum. And it was brought up about how God's goal is not our protection. I firmly believe that its a Christian's responsibility to let go of their need to be protected so that they can love everyone, and not just those its comfortable to love.
But I feel like except for the once in a while encounters at SHOW, my life is sorely lacking that kind of adventure.
I'm super bored and I want to live a more terrifying life. I want it to infiltrate the routine of my life.
I don't want to live a safe and protected life!
And eventually I don't want it to be quite so motivated by the high I get from being in scary circumstances of service... and more motivated by actual love, but I'm not there yet.
But in the meantime, I'm bored.
When he asks me what I did on the weekend, I occasionally have an opportunity to tell him about SHOW, an apartment complex built by local churches that houses formerly homeless people. I was there last week as well, so I told him about my experience that week.
That week at SHOW one of the residents made a big, awkward, threatening kerfuffle as we all sat around in the common room eating cookies and playing cards with the residents. It lasted a while, him walking around shouting about how he didn't like Christians, getting close to people's faces and insulting them. I was terrified. Eventually one of the workers at SHOW who was a woman came in and calmed him done. I want to be like her when I grow up.
So I had the opportunity to explain this situation to my boss. He said it was a shame that stuff like that happens because it might prevent people from going back. I explained to him that I think everyone gets a high from something. Sometimes its alcohol, sports, drugs, the outdoors, dangerous sports... people seem to like the thrill of not quite knowing what will happen. I explained to him that these kinds of occurrences are how I get my high.
And last night we talked about war and peace in Forum. And it was brought up about how God's goal is not our protection. I firmly believe that its a Christian's responsibility to let go of their need to be protected so that they can love everyone, and not just those its comfortable to love.
But I feel like except for the once in a while encounters at SHOW, my life is sorely lacking that kind of adventure.
I'm super bored and I want to live a more terrifying life. I want it to infiltrate the routine of my life.
I don't want to live a safe and protected life!
And eventually I don't want it to be quite so motivated by the high I get from being in scary circumstances of service... and more motivated by actual love, but I'm not there yet.
But in the meantime, I'm bored.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
A Reflection
I haven't written on this thing in awhile. I think its time I just plugged down and vomitted some thoughts, regardless of how unorganized they may be inside my head.
If you are unaware, I am a founding member of an experimental community house which officially started this September. Currently, there are five women and two men in this house.
I think what I have learned from past experiences with community is that the first few months are for figuring out what's what. What are our strengths? What are our weaknesses? What is tolerable and what needs to change as soon as possible? Is this an endeavor that actually seeks to follow God first and foremost?
I think, for better or for worse, I try to go into new situations like these with low expectations but high hopes. My heart is guarded by the realization that people are wounded from their pasts, plagued with the diseases of apathy and self-centeredness, and they are just plain busy. Therefore, people WILL let me down inevitably. And I will do the same to them. It also doesn't help that all of us are playing it by ear and really don't know that the heck we are doing.
BUT. God is bigger than our wounds, our apathy, our selfishness, our busy-ness and our lack of experience. And we love God and try to follow Him. Therefore, there is hope.
I love this house. I especially love certain moments when a spirit about this house quiets my soul and puts a tingle of joy in my spine. Its when Abram plays his guitar and sings in the living room. Or Kathleen practices piano downstairs for her volunteer position. Or Trevor makes curry and shares it. Or we all dip a spoon in my Nutella. Or Katie leads a devotion on meditation and it inspires the rest of us to get involved as a house in reaching out to others. Or Calida cleans, decorates and organizes the whole house in a weekend. Or Rebecca and Katie buy me groceries, fair trade stuff, and write me amazingly thoughtful and affirming cards for my birthday - just because they know that that's exactly what I would love.
I love that I can walk around braless and blurry eyed with tangled hair and stale, smudged mascara, in my sweats, well into the afternoon and not even think about whether or not my housemates will care.
This house has SO MANY amazing moments and undertones of love and acceptance. I believe that God is in them.
At the same time, we are nowhere near our original vision. Our house is perpetually untidy and borderline gross(which drives me nuts), we have far more ideas and good intentions than actual follow-up action, and we've been too busy, and perhaps apathetic in many cases, to bond as much as we should have in order to really build a community that can love and support eachother as a whole house and then in turn love and support our greater community as a house as well.
We have a lot to work on, which this semester has revealed to us. But we are growing, slowly but surely, and I'm so excited to see what next semester brings!
If you are unaware, I am a founding member of an experimental community house which officially started this September. Currently, there are five women and two men in this house.
I think what I have learned from past experiences with community is that the first few months are for figuring out what's what. What are our strengths? What are our weaknesses? What is tolerable and what needs to change as soon as possible? Is this an endeavor that actually seeks to follow God first and foremost?
I think, for better or for worse, I try to go into new situations like these with low expectations but high hopes. My heart is guarded by the realization that people are wounded from their pasts, plagued with the diseases of apathy and self-centeredness, and they are just plain busy. Therefore, people WILL let me down inevitably. And I will do the same to them. It also doesn't help that all of us are playing it by ear and really don't know that the heck we are doing.
BUT. God is bigger than our wounds, our apathy, our selfishness, our busy-ness and our lack of experience. And we love God and try to follow Him. Therefore, there is hope.
I love this house. I especially love certain moments when a spirit about this house quiets my soul and puts a tingle of joy in my spine. Its when Abram plays his guitar and sings in the living room. Or Kathleen practices piano downstairs for her volunteer position. Or Trevor makes curry and shares it. Or we all dip a spoon in my Nutella. Or Katie leads a devotion on meditation and it inspires the rest of us to get involved as a house in reaching out to others. Or Calida cleans, decorates and organizes the whole house in a weekend. Or Rebecca and Katie buy me groceries, fair trade stuff, and write me amazingly thoughtful and affirming cards for my birthday - just because they know that that's exactly what I would love.
I love that I can walk around braless and blurry eyed with tangled hair and stale, smudged mascara, in my sweats, well into the afternoon and not even think about whether or not my housemates will care.
This house has SO MANY amazing moments and undertones of love and acceptance. I believe that God is in them.
At the same time, we are nowhere near our original vision. Our house is perpetually untidy and borderline gross(which drives me nuts), we have far more ideas and good intentions than actual follow-up action, and we've been too busy, and perhaps apathetic in many cases, to bond as much as we should have in order to really build a community that can love and support eachother as a whole house and then in turn love and support our greater community as a house as well.
We have a lot to work on, which this semester has revealed to us. But we are growing, slowly but surely, and I'm so excited to see what next semester brings!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
No Jew Nor Gentile
I'm currently reading The Politics of Jesus and its been on my mind a lot the last 48 hours or so. Something that really stuck out to me was that Yoder did a word study on the word, "justification" and how it was used in the New Testament. Despite the assumptions of most Protestants for centuries, the word was usually used making reference to the process of the Christian Jews and Christian Gentiles as they formed a unified, multicultural Church, and has less to do with the redemptive process within the heart of the individual.
He also noted that the Holy Spirit seemed to always be spoken of as moving in ways that helped this Jewish/Gentile relationship progress. The early Church, it turns out, really was following Jesus. They really were trying to figure out how to love their enemies, whether they be Jews traditionally against Gentiles or vice versa. Jesus instructed them to love their enemies and they took him seriously!
And so its got me thinking about the people I don't like very much. There are a lot of them. Mostly its other Christians too, actually. There's some girls at my church, for example, who I have never invited to the Place2Be or even talked to, because years and years ago they weren't very nice to my sister when we all went to the same church or Christian school, and frankly, I'm still pissed off at them for making her Church experience so miserable.
As just or as unjust as my bitterness may be, my attitude needs to stop. And not just towards those girls, but to several different Christians, whether they be individuals in my personal life from the past or present, denominations, Republicans, people I perceive as not worth my time because they are either too cool or not cool enough for me, et cetera.
I'm not sure how to make this change. I need Jesus.
Speaking of Jesus, I think He likes this.
He also noted that the Holy Spirit seemed to always be spoken of as moving in ways that helped this Jewish/Gentile relationship progress. The early Church, it turns out, really was following Jesus. They really were trying to figure out how to love their enemies, whether they be Jews traditionally against Gentiles or vice versa. Jesus instructed them to love their enemies and they took him seriously!
And so its got me thinking about the people I don't like very much. There are a lot of them. Mostly its other Christians too, actually. There's some girls at my church, for example, who I have never invited to the Place2Be or even talked to, because years and years ago they weren't very nice to my sister when we all went to the same church or Christian school, and frankly, I'm still pissed off at them for making her Church experience so miserable.
As just or as unjust as my bitterness may be, my attitude needs to stop. And not just towards those girls, but to several different Christians, whether they be individuals in my personal life from the past or present, denominations, Republicans, people I perceive as not worth my time because they are either too cool or not cool enough for me, et cetera.
I'm not sure how to make this change. I need Jesus.
Speaking of Jesus, I think He likes this.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I would say that the following is a snarky, though disturbingly accurate portrayal of what its like being a woman in our culture. And we have it pretty good here in North America.
— Melissa McEwan (Rape Culture 101)
Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.
— Melissa McEwan (Rape Culture 101)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Exerpt from The Politics of Jesus
The believer's cross is no longer any and every kind of suffering, sickness, or tension, the bearing of which is demanded. The believer's cross is, like that of Jesus, the price of social nonconformity. It is not, like sickness or catastrophe, an inexplicable, unpredictable suffering; it is the end the end of a path freely chosen after counting the cost. It is not... an inward wrestling of the sensitive soul with self and sin; it is the social reality of representing in an unwilling world the Order to come. - John Howard Yoder, p. 96
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
God As My Reason
Lately I've realized that I've been avoiding God the Person. Last week when my friend asked me, "What has God been teaching you lately?" I didn't really have an answer. That sort of thing had stopped being something I think about too much anymore.
I think this has been going on for quite awhile now. Its slipped under the radar screen though because actually, God is a big part of my life. I'm a vegetarian because of God. I go to church because of God. I don't have sex because of God. I try not to support sweat shops or other forms of exploitative business because of God. I conduct my personal relationships in a certain way because of God. I'm starting a community house next year because of God. The list goes on and on. God is my reason for the way that I am living.
While that's all good, its caused me to interact with God in such a way that I do not think of Him as a Friend or a Father but simply as the justification behind my sense of reality. God is a concept, a concept that invented another concept called redemption, and I'm devoted to having that redemptive concept infiltrate my life. Its a beautiful philosophy and I love it.
But at one point, I just really loved God the Person. I loved going on walks with God and feeling His love shine down on me. I loved having every thought be like a prayer. I loved actually having a sense of God whispering this, that or the other thing into my heart on a regular basis.
I miss that. I miss God.
I seriously need to spend some quality time just with God.
I think this has been going on for quite awhile now. Its slipped under the radar screen though because actually, God is a big part of my life. I'm a vegetarian because of God. I go to church because of God. I don't have sex because of God. I try not to support sweat shops or other forms of exploitative business because of God. I conduct my personal relationships in a certain way because of God. I'm starting a community house next year because of God. The list goes on and on. God is my reason for the way that I am living.
While that's all good, its caused me to interact with God in such a way that I do not think of Him as a Friend or a Father but simply as the justification behind my sense of reality. God is a concept, a concept that invented another concept called redemption, and I'm devoted to having that redemptive concept infiltrate my life. Its a beautiful philosophy and I love it.
But at one point, I just really loved God the Person. I loved going on walks with God and feeling His love shine down on me. I loved having every thought be like a prayer. I loved actually having a sense of God whispering this, that or the other thing into my heart on a regular basis.
I miss that. I miss God.
I seriously need to spend some quality time just with God.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Social Apathy
As my housemate and I walked, nay, strutted to church this evening under a warm 5 o clock sun, each of us sporting a cute outfit, hot pink lips and sunglasses, I looked over at her and proclaimed, "I am so content. I know I have been saying this a lot lately, but I know that at some point in the future, I will not be content, and I want to be able to look back on this time and know that at this one point in my life, I was content."
Its not that I don't have a stack of problems and stresses to deal with, but essentially, at this point in time, I am incredibly lucky and its making me happy. I live with awesome people. I am in a functional, nauseatingly cute relationship. I am working part time now and have the promise of a full time nannying job waiting for me just around the corner. I have several reasons to be happy. God is leading me through pretty still waters these days. And I like it.
Tonight though, I realized that I'm not quite as passionate about reaching out to new people as I used to be. I'd rather be with the people who I know will make me happy. They're comfortable. They're fun. I don't need to have awkward conversations with them about what school they go to and what they'll do with the degree they are earning or any of that nonsense. (Why is small talk so uncreative?)
Nevertheless, I am not my own, and I have been blessed with the gift of being able to notice and reach out to lonely people. I am positive that this gift is a large part of who I am meant to be.
I think its okay to be happy - After all, I am happy because of all that God has blessed me with - but I'm not sure we as Christians were ever meant to be comfortable while there is still work to be done. And there is tons of work yet to be done.
Dear God, please make me uncomfortable.
Its not that I don't have a stack of problems and stresses to deal with, but essentially, at this point in time, I am incredibly lucky and its making me happy. I live with awesome people. I am in a functional, nauseatingly cute relationship. I am working part time now and have the promise of a full time nannying job waiting for me just around the corner. I have several reasons to be happy. God is leading me through pretty still waters these days. And I like it.
Tonight though, I realized that I'm not quite as passionate about reaching out to new people as I used to be. I'd rather be with the people who I know will make me happy. They're comfortable. They're fun. I don't need to have awkward conversations with them about what school they go to and what they'll do with the degree they are earning or any of that nonsense. (Why is small talk so uncreative?)
Nevertheless, I am not my own, and I have been blessed with the gift of being able to notice and reach out to lonely people. I am positive that this gift is a large part of who I am meant to be.
I think its okay to be happy - After all, I am happy because of all that God has blessed me with - but I'm not sure we as Christians were ever meant to be comfortable while there is still work to be done. And there is tons of work yet to be done.
Dear God, please make me uncomfortable.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Oh Shane.
There was something written on the stairs, which is why we were sitting that way, with Shane Clairbourne. What was written on the stairs, though, is top secret, and therefore had to be edited out. Yup. We share a secret with Shane Claibourne. Be jealous. He would appreciate me being all elitist about this too, I'm sure.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Baba Yetu is Captivating
I am currently obsessed with this song. It is the Lord's Prayer in Swahili.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
John Doe became a fan of Thou Shalt Not Inflict Your Religious Crap Upon Others.
This popped up on one of my Facebook friends' walls. Since I am avoiding a paper, I have some thoughts on it.
My initial reaction was hurt and self-consciousness. Was I one of the religious psychos he was referring to? Honestly, its possible.
Then it occurred to me. What if Shakespeare hadn't incorporated anything about Christianity into his writings? That would have been very difficult for him because Christianity in 16th century Britain was his cultural context. God, prayers, Jesus, Puritans, etc. were all common themes in his everyday life so of COURSE he would incorporate and react to these things in his writings. Should HE have shut up about it?
I think its the same thing today. I make sense of the world around me largely by Christian ideas. It then makes sense that when communicating about my concept of reality, Christianity inevitably comes up. I am a Christian, and I make sense of life like one.
I am also an artist (Well, whatever that is. But sure). And so, when wondering why the sky is blue and nature is generally green, I like to think it has something to do with the fact that green is a relaxing colour and blue is a creativity inspiring colour for humans. And so, I like to think that all that was considered by an Artist who was figuring out what colours to use where.
A scientist would have a different perspective, and would likely talk about chlorophil (sp?) and the atmosphere and light. Or something. I don't know. I'm not a scientist.
But the point is, we all have different ways of seeing reality. Is it really fair to label one way, "Religious Crap"? We're all relatively equal in our stupidity about ultimate matters, which effect mundane matters which tend to effect everyday conversation. Why should one voice be silenced because another has dubbed it "crap" (probably without researching it much)?
Granted, some theories of why the world works the way it does are more solid than others and some ideas ought to be discredited as soon as possible. Perhaps that's THE BEST reason then to create a culture where these things can be talked about openly without fear of one point of view being called "crap". If people keep their stupid ideas to themselves or to their circles of friends with similar ideas - in part because they're too scared to talk to anyone else about it - then no light can be shone on how stupid those ideas actually are! So its actually counter productive to divide everyone up like this for the sake of a tolerant peace.
Wouldn't it be so much better if say, the atheistic scientist and the artistic Hindu got together in someone's living room over tea and had an open, unjudgemental dicussion about, say, the sun, and the importance of it to human life? Wouldn't both their worlds be illuminated by the other's point of view, even if neither changed their opinions? Isn't it just beneficial to know, in depth, that there are other ways of looking at something than just the way oneself looks at it?
That is why I think hospitality trumps tolerance as a virtue. Inviting people in for open discussion, where there's food, couches and the ability to make a joke or a comment on the art on the walls - this is so much better than cold, academic coexistance. Or worse, insisting that everyone should shut up when discussions about Truth ever come up. Because they will come up. Its natural, and so connected to everday life. We MIGHT AS WELL enjoy spaghetti together while we talk about it.
Just to prove that I'm not completely full of idealistic crap, we (my housemates and I) do actually have this type of relationship with John Doe and his housemates. They have been to our house several times, and we've been over there a few times too. So it works. I even thinks he enjoys us as people and can look past our awkward evangelical labels.
THE END. Back to my paper.
My initial reaction was hurt and self-consciousness. Was I one of the religious psychos he was referring to? Honestly, its possible.
Then it occurred to me. What if Shakespeare hadn't incorporated anything about Christianity into his writings? That would have been very difficult for him because Christianity in 16th century Britain was his cultural context. God, prayers, Jesus, Puritans, etc. were all common themes in his everyday life so of COURSE he would incorporate and react to these things in his writings. Should HE have shut up about it?
I think its the same thing today. I make sense of the world around me largely by Christian ideas. It then makes sense that when communicating about my concept of reality, Christianity inevitably comes up. I am a Christian, and I make sense of life like one.
I am also an artist (Well, whatever that is. But sure). And so, when wondering why the sky is blue and nature is generally green, I like to think it has something to do with the fact that green is a relaxing colour and blue is a creativity inspiring colour for humans. And so, I like to think that all that was considered by an Artist who was figuring out what colours to use where.
A scientist would have a different perspective, and would likely talk about chlorophil (sp?) and the atmosphere and light. Or something. I don't know. I'm not a scientist.
But the point is, we all have different ways of seeing reality. Is it really fair to label one way, "Religious Crap"? We're all relatively equal in our stupidity about ultimate matters, which effect mundane matters which tend to effect everyday conversation. Why should one voice be silenced because another has dubbed it "crap" (probably without researching it much)?
Granted, some theories of why the world works the way it does are more solid than others and some ideas ought to be discredited as soon as possible. Perhaps that's THE BEST reason then to create a culture where these things can be talked about openly without fear of one point of view being called "crap". If people keep their stupid ideas to themselves or to their circles of friends with similar ideas - in part because they're too scared to talk to anyone else about it - then no light can be shone on how stupid those ideas actually are! So its actually counter productive to divide everyone up like this for the sake of a tolerant peace.
Wouldn't it be so much better if say, the atheistic scientist and the artistic Hindu got together in someone's living room over tea and had an open, unjudgemental dicussion about, say, the sun, and the importance of it to human life? Wouldn't both their worlds be illuminated by the other's point of view, even if neither changed their opinions? Isn't it just beneficial to know, in depth, that there are other ways of looking at something than just the way oneself looks at it?
That is why I think hospitality trumps tolerance as a virtue. Inviting people in for open discussion, where there's food, couches and the ability to make a joke or a comment on the art on the walls - this is so much better than cold, academic coexistance. Or worse, insisting that everyone should shut up when discussions about Truth ever come up. Because they will come up. Its natural, and so connected to everday life. We MIGHT AS WELL enjoy spaghetti together while we talk about it.
Just to prove that I'm not completely full of idealistic crap, we (my housemates and I) do actually have this type of relationship with John Doe and his housemates. They have been to our house several times, and we've been over there a few times too. So it works. I even thinks he enjoys us as people and can look past our awkward evangelical labels.
THE END. Back to my paper.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Passion
“Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping … waiting … and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir … open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us … guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love … the clarity of hatred … the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we’d be truly dead.”
—Joss Whedon
—Joss Whedon
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Happy!
Sometimes it feels like there's a spinning ball of utter JOY in my stomach!
And not just the Christian kind either.
And not just the Christian kind either.
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