I think Facebook, the internet in general, cell phones, iPods and personal technology of all sorts can act as an opiate for our loneliness.
I take the bus nearly every day and every time I do, just about every single person on that bus has an iPod playing or a cell phone in hand. Heck, on at least a weekly basis, while on or waiting for the bus, I take my cell phone out and play with the settings just so that I can distract myself from whatever is going on around me. If I don't feel busy, I'll remember I'm sitting there alone and if I'm sitting there alone there's a good chance I'll start to feel lonely.
Personally, I don't like to acknowledge my own loneliness because I pride myself on being an introvert and introverts are supposed to love their alone time. I have also embraced the idea that silence is golden, and I find people who incessantly talk for the sake of talking and don't seem to ever actually say anything of any substance at all to be very annoying. My roommate, another adherent to the idea that silence is golden, is also a very quiet person and we spent hours living together in total silence. And, I really like the idea of being perfectly capable of entertaining myself, thank you very much. I pride myself on not being an attention whore
In other words, I interpreted loneliness as weakness, even ungodliness, because, you know, "all you need is God."
So I think instead of acknowledging my loneliness, I stuffed much of my alone time with opiates, especially Facebook. Now that Facebook is gone, I'm even resorting to other opiates. I've watched more TV this past week than the whole last semester combined I'm sure.
But maybe loneliness is God-given.
Maybe we're supposed to feel empty when not connecting with anyone else for the 6th hour straight. Maybe that shouldn't be something remedied by personal technology. Maybe its because its hard to actively love people when you spend most of your time alone, in your own little world, thinking to yourself as you go about your day quietly. And we are, after all, called to actively love people.
So maybe for me that means talking more, even if I don't have anything particularly profound, witty or funny to say. Maybe sharing mediocre stories and thoughts with my roommate or the guy beside me on the bus is okay too. And maybe when I feel lonely because I truly am physically alone I should call someone. Because, judging by the amount of time most people complain they waste on Facebook, I bet a lot of people aren't actually as busy as I think they are.
Anyway, these are the thoughts that have been formulating in my head these last couple of days. Ironically, I'm using this blog right now as an opiate, because I really was feeling down for being completely alone for the 6th hour straight. And now I do feel a little better. But then again it is 1:17am and I should probably have gone to bed rather than sit around feeling lonely or taking the time to type this out. But I really did need to clear my head before going to sleep. So this has been good. Or maybe I just should have called someone in a different time zone. But whatever. GOOD NIGHT!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Unengaged
You'd think removing Facebook from my life wouldn't have that much of an impact. I mean, its not like I was *always* on it. I DO have a life. I'm involved in school, volunteering, work, social stuff and of course classes and homework.
Yet I've found that without it I've become significantly more lonely. Not being on it really has made me feel disconnected. I couldn't understand why, I mean, I really do have friends and places to go. I thought, *Do I really need to have EVERY last hour of my day feeling as though I'm connected to other people?* I mean, I was alive before Facebook. I even went through the vast majority of high school without it. Facebook, in the grand scheme of my life, has been a relatively recent thing. And yet, without it, now life feels somewhat emptier.
And I think I've JUST figured it out.
As I was lecturing myself in my head about how I shouldn't feel the need to be connected to other people at all times, I realized that I really do spend a lot of time entirely quiet and self-contained, not relating to anyone at all. For example, I've been up 4 hours now and as far as social interactions go, I've had less than 20 minutes of conversation in the total course of that 4 hours. And this morning has been an exceptionally social morning too because of various circumstances. But I've still spent most of that time not engaged with anyone at all. And though I had class for 50 minutes of it, listening to a professor who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall hardly counts as time engaged in a real personal, social interaction.
Even when I'm volunteering, only about 1/3 of that time is actually spent engaged with someone else. Usually I'm just getting people coffee or juice. Or when I work, even if I'm working with someone else, most of the time we work there is silence as we both concentrate on our separate tasks.
There's lots of polite banter throughout all of my days, "thank yous," "sorrys" and "excuse me's" with various people I usually don't even make eye contact with. This also hardly counts as quality personal interactions.
Even when I'm at home with my roommate, even though we like each other and everything, most of the time we are at home we are either reading or on our computers. We have good conversations, but certainly not every day.
It makes me wonder, on a typical day, just how much time do I actually spend engaged with other people? I'm pretty sure the answer would be less than 10% most of the time. :S
NO WONDER I feel alone so often! I AM alone so often!
I'm pretty sure my life was not always this isolated. I think its very much the university lifestyle of lots of reading/assignments and impersonal, uninteractive lectures compounded with everyone's high internet use and our generally isolationistic society. Ontario is especially notorious for its cold and impersonal nature.
I know solitude is good and all, but I think maybe I've gone over board, and I don't think I'm the only one.
This weekend, I'm going to measure the amount of time I actually spend talking to people.
Yet I've found that without it I've become significantly more lonely. Not being on it really has made me feel disconnected. I couldn't understand why, I mean, I really do have friends and places to go. I thought, *Do I really need to have EVERY last hour of my day feeling as though I'm connected to other people?* I mean, I was alive before Facebook. I even went through the vast majority of high school without it. Facebook, in the grand scheme of my life, has been a relatively recent thing. And yet, without it, now life feels somewhat emptier.
And I think I've JUST figured it out.
As I was lecturing myself in my head about how I shouldn't feel the need to be connected to other people at all times, I realized that I really do spend a lot of time entirely quiet and self-contained, not relating to anyone at all. For example, I've been up 4 hours now and as far as social interactions go, I've had less than 20 minutes of conversation in the total course of that 4 hours. And this morning has been an exceptionally social morning too because of various circumstances. But I've still spent most of that time not engaged with anyone at all. And though I had class for 50 minutes of it, listening to a professor who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall hardly counts as time engaged in a real personal, social interaction.
Even when I'm volunteering, only about 1/3 of that time is actually spent engaged with someone else. Usually I'm just getting people coffee or juice. Or when I work, even if I'm working with someone else, most of the time we work there is silence as we both concentrate on our separate tasks.
There's lots of polite banter throughout all of my days, "thank yous," "sorrys" and "excuse me's" with various people I usually don't even make eye contact with. This also hardly counts as quality personal interactions.
Even when I'm at home with my roommate, even though we like each other and everything, most of the time we are at home we are either reading or on our computers. We have good conversations, but certainly not every day.
It makes me wonder, on a typical day, just how much time do I actually spend engaged with other people? I'm pretty sure the answer would be less than 10% most of the time. :S
NO WONDER I feel alone so often! I AM alone so often!
I'm pretty sure my life was not always this isolated. I think its very much the university lifestyle of lots of reading/assignments and impersonal, uninteractive lectures compounded with everyone's high internet use and our generally isolationistic society. Ontario is especially notorious for its cold and impersonal nature.
I know solitude is good and all, but I think maybe I've gone over board, and I don't think I'm the only one.
This weekend, I'm going to measure the amount of time I actually spend talking to people.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
A Couple Noteworthy Art Pieces
Sometimes, its really rewarding being a Christian in my Art History classes. I get a lot out of many pieces because so much art was created with the intention to inspire its viewers to meditate on God and learn something about His character through their work. Here are some examples.
"The Gleaners" by Jean-Francois Millet, 1857
These women are gleaners. What they are gathering now, leftover grain from a harvest, is literally all that they will have to feed their families with. They are the poorest of the poor in French society. Notice the high horizon line, and how even though these women are at the forefront of the painting, none of them cross the horizon line because they are so "low." You cannot see their faces because to Parisian elites, the main audience of this painting, these people do not matter - much like how most North Americans don't care that much of their wardrobe was made in a sweatshop in China.
Though these people "do not matter," Millet is respecting them by painting them with expensive paint and presenting them to the public at one of the Louvre's salons, basically an annual sophisticated art show in Paris.
He is sending the message that these women are important to France, because their clothes together form the French flag.
Lastly, he paints them as heroic, strong women because with this painting, he reminds the audience of Ruth, from the Bible, who was also a gleaner - and a strong, heroic woman. By associating these women with her, he is by extension saying that these women are strong and heroic as well.
And I pretty much love it! It reminds me that Jesus loves these women SO MUCH, and that it is my job as His follower to love them as well. It reminds me that even though this was 150 years ago, the same thing is still happening today, in our post-colonial era, where the rich are off in their own world yet there are millions of people in the world living in absolute poverty, and this situation STILL must be redeemed.
Another favourite:
"Mary Magdelene" by Donatello, 1450s
This guy on youtube does a great job explaining this sculpture so I'll just let him do it. Its all dramatic and he has a good voice for explaining such things.
I love it because she looks like my heart has felt. The instant I saw it, even without having studying it, I thought, *I've been there too*. It reminds me that God accepts us where we are at, despite the disgusting states of our hearts.
"The Gleaners" by Jean-Francois Millet, 1857
These women are gleaners. What they are gathering now, leftover grain from a harvest, is literally all that they will have to feed their families with. They are the poorest of the poor in French society. Notice the high horizon line, and how even though these women are at the forefront of the painting, none of them cross the horizon line because they are so "low." You cannot see their faces because to Parisian elites, the main audience of this painting, these people do not matter - much like how most North Americans don't care that much of their wardrobe was made in a sweatshop in China.
Though these people "do not matter," Millet is respecting them by painting them with expensive paint and presenting them to the public at one of the Louvre's salons, basically an annual sophisticated art show in Paris.
He is sending the message that these women are important to France, because their clothes together form the French flag.
Lastly, he paints them as heroic, strong women because with this painting, he reminds the audience of Ruth, from the Bible, who was also a gleaner - and a strong, heroic woman. By associating these women with her, he is by extension saying that these women are strong and heroic as well.
And I pretty much love it! It reminds me that Jesus loves these women SO MUCH, and that it is my job as His follower to love them as well. It reminds me that even though this was 150 years ago, the same thing is still happening today, in our post-colonial era, where the rich are off in their own world yet there are millions of people in the world living in absolute poverty, and this situation STILL must be redeemed.
Another favourite:
"Mary Magdelene" by Donatello, 1450s
This guy on youtube does a great job explaining this sculpture so I'll just let him do it. Its all dramatic and he has a good voice for explaining such things.
I love it because she looks like my heart has felt. The instant I saw it, even without having studying it, I thought, *I've been there too*. It reminds me that God accepts us where we are at, despite the disgusting states of our hearts.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
7 Days Without Facebook
The results:
Mixed: There have been some highs and lows.
Highs:
- I made brownies, when I might not have otherwise, maybe.
- I browsed through lots of Thrift stores and am now the proud owner of 6 more cds (a dollar each!), a pair of shoes and two pairs of pants that I really needed.
- I got lots more real e-mails from people!
- One person I don't really talk to texted me and told me that they were proud and jealous of me for quitting.
- I finished and mailed two snail-mail letters!
Lows:
- The surprisingly small number of people who sent me their contact info. 400+ facebook friends and only about 10 replied!
- I realized that Facebook was my spot to go if I got lonely. I guess I used it to remind myself that I had friends or something? I didn't call or e-mail someone - I went on Facebook! How ridiculous is that?
This realization occurred when one day my roomy and her fiance left unexpectedly for a walk. I had homework, but I wasn't really in a frame of mind to do it. I really wanted to go on facebook, but I went to youtube instead. One video lead to another and before I knew it, they were back from their walk and I was in the midst of watching a 10 minute clip of Dakota Fanning on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I had been in some sort of youtube trance, where space and time didn't exist, but the presence of other people promptly placed me back in the real world. I suddenly felt sort of pathetic, since random youtube videos is an even bigger waste of time then facebook is, but I don't think they noticed what I was doing so whatever.
- "Did you go to the concert last night?" "No... there was a concert?" "Yeah! It was a last minute thing! It was on facebook! Didn't you get invited?"
- (At a home worship service thing... like Vespers, only, there was only about 9 ppl) "I'm really down. Somebody say something encouraging that happened this week!" *Silence... a loooong silence* "Uh... I quit facebook!" "WHAT? HOW are you supposed to get my messages about this now? WHAT! Why would you do something like that?!"
Best Lesson: I realized I used facebook as a way of caring about people without them knowing I cared about them. Its "safer" but much more stupid. I mean, I could stalk your profile every day and you'd have no idea. I realized its better for people to KNOW I care about them, by me, you know, actually interacting with them more. That seems best.
Mixed: There have been some highs and lows.
Highs:
- I made brownies, when I might not have otherwise, maybe.
- I browsed through lots of Thrift stores and am now the proud owner of 6 more cds (a dollar each!), a pair of shoes and two pairs of pants that I really needed.
- I got lots more real e-mails from people!
- One person I don't really talk to texted me and told me that they were proud and jealous of me for quitting.
- I finished and mailed two snail-mail letters!
Lows:
- The surprisingly small number of people who sent me their contact info. 400+ facebook friends and only about 10 replied!
- I realized that Facebook was my spot to go if I got lonely. I guess I used it to remind myself that I had friends or something? I didn't call or e-mail someone - I went on Facebook! How ridiculous is that?
This realization occurred when one day my roomy and her fiance left unexpectedly for a walk. I had homework, but I wasn't really in a frame of mind to do it. I really wanted to go on facebook, but I went to youtube instead. One video lead to another and before I knew it, they were back from their walk and I was in the midst of watching a 10 minute clip of Dakota Fanning on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I had been in some sort of youtube trance, where space and time didn't exist, but the presence of other people promptly placed me back in the real world. I suddenly felt sort of pathetic, since random youtube videos is an even bigger waste of time then facebook is, but I don't think they noticed what I was doing so whatever.
- "Did you go to the concert last night?" "No... there was a concert?" "Yeah! It was a last minute thing! It was on facebook! Didn't you get invited?"
- (At a home worship service thing... like Vespers, only, there was only about 9 ppl) "I'm really down. Somebody say something encouraging that happened this week!" *Silence... a loooong silence* "Uh... I quit facebook!" "WHAT? HOW are you supposed to get my messages about this now? WHAT! Why would you do something like that?!"
Best Lesson: I realized I used facebook as a way of caring about people without them knowing I cared about them. Its "safer" but much more stupid. I mean, I could stalk your profile every day and you'd have no idea. I realized its better for people to KNOW I care about them, by me, you know, actually interacting with them more. That seems best.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Mercury Hazards from Gold Mining to Humans, Plants, and Animals
Experimenting is fun.
The first conscious social experiment I remember trying out was in Gr. 8, when I decided to give up on trying to be cool and just hang out with the totally uncool kids - the people who accepted me as I was. That was the best social decision I ever made in my life. I was miserable prior to that decision and incandescently happy for the rest of the school year after I made the switch. It changed the way I would try to make friends forever. It also saved me from being an empty shell of a person for who knows how long. God (the source of the idea) was good.
The next experiment was about Gr. 11, when a friend and I wondered what would happen if we said "hello (insert name here)" to everyone we passed by at school that we knew the name of - the popular kids, the random kids, the kids in our class... everyone. I think the goal there was to attempt to get over our shyness. I think the experiment lasted about a week, because actually carrying out something like that was embarassing. Its safe to say that we failed royally. Oh well. I still like that idea though. After all, who doesn't like to be acknowledged?
This year I tried veganism... and lasted from September until Christmas. I just could not stand the temptation of being home and surrounded by loads and loads of chocolate. So I gave in and have been an "easy going" vegetarian ever since. What I mean by that is that now, if its far more convenient to eat meat, like at someone else's house for dinner, than I'll just suck it up and eat it.
I like this way of life because its more environmentally friendly, not to mention cheaper. I'm also far more aware of what I put in my body and what nutrients I need daily and weekly than I was before because of my vegan/vegetarian experiment. Also, as prideful as it sounds (and is), it helps me identify myself as a socially and environmentally conscious person, and so through the practice of abstaining from meat I am more conscious of how my actions as a consumer and global citizen affect the world around me.
Experimenting is fun. On this inside cover of this season's Geez, it says,
"What if we approached our troubled world less like earnest, hang-wringing, stern-talking, manifesto-brandishing world-changers...
...and more like slighly mad scientists?"
I love it. And it really convicted me. There are plenty of times I've talked with no action at all, plenty of things I support in theory but not in practice, and that's just silly.
Experimenting is fun.
The first conscious social experiment I remember trying out was in Gr. 8, when I decided to give up on trying to be cool and just hang out with the totally uncool kids - the people who accepted me as I was. That was the best social decision I ever made in my life. I was miserable prior to that decision and incandescently happy for the rest of the school year after I made the switch. It changed the way I would try to make friends forever. It also saved me from being an empty shell of a person for who knows how long. God (the source of the idea) was good.
The next experiment was about Gr. 11, when a friend and I wondered what would happen if we said "hello (insert name here)" to everyone we passed by at school that we knew the name of - the popular kids, the random kids, the kids in our class... everyone. I think the goal there was to attempt to get over our shyness. I think the experiment lasted about a week, because actually carrying out something like that was embarassing. Its safe to say that we failed royally. Oh well. I still like that idea though. After all, who doesn't like to be acknowledged?
This year I tried veganism... and lasted from September until Christmas. I just could not stand the temptation of being home and surrounded by loads and loads of chocolate. So I gave in and have been an "easy going" vegetarian ever since. What I mean by that is that now, if its far more convenient to eat meat, like at someone else's house for dinner, than I'll just suck it up and eat it.
I like this way of life because its more environmentally friendly, not to mention cheaper. I'm also far more aware of what I put in my body and what nutrients I need daily and weekly than I was before because of my vegan/vegetarian experiment. Also, as prideful as it sounds (and is), it helps me identify myself as a socially and environmentally conscious person, and so through the practice of abstaining from meat I am more conscious of how my actions as a consumer and global citizen affect the world around me.
Experimenting is fun. On this inside cover of this season's Geez, it says,
"What if we approached our troubled world less like earnest, hang-wringing, stern-talking, manifesto-brandishing world-changers...
...and more like slighly mad scientists?"
I love it. And it really convicted me. There are plenty of times I've talked with no action at all, plenty of things I support in theory but not in practice, and that's just silly.
Experimenting is fun.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Community Building Books!
One of my good friends and I are making tentative plans to start an intentional community house starting September 2010! We're incredibly excited, and are going to start reading as many Christian books on community as we can this summer. She backpacked through Europe this Summer and Fall and something she became a part of was 24/7 - a movement in Britian involving a community that has prayer going on 24/7 (if I understand properly). She is friends with the leader, who wrote the book Punk Monk : New Monasticism And The Ancient Art Of: New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing. For the past decade, his life has been all about community, so she asked him what books he would recommend for us. I thought some of you might be interested! Here is what he said:
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship (Touchstone 1948). Bonhoeffer’s call to new monastic communities has echoed through the whole of this book.
Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water (Harper 2001). Foster explores the five great traditions of the Christian taking biblical, ancient and recent case studies of people who expressed them.
Eugene Peterson, Christ Plays in 10,000 Places (Eerdmans Publishing Co. 2005). Peterson’s ‘conversation in spiritual theology’ has become one of the central books on our Transit training year and in particular helped us think about ‘incarnational’ communities.
Abbot Christopher Jamison, Finding Sanctuary (Weidenfeld & Nicolson 2006). Written by the Abbot of Worth Abbey - featured in the TV show The Monastery – this is a helpful, readable and practical journey through monasticism and the rule of St.Benedict.
Jean Vanier, Community and Growth (Darton, Longman and Todd 1976). Written by the founder of the L’Arche community, this book is the one I regularly go back to in looking to learn and live out simple community. His chapters about meals and hospitality are especially helpful.
BAH! I'm SO excited! :D
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship (Touchstone 1948). Bonhoeffer’s call to new monastic communities has echoed through the whole of this book.
Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water (Harper 2001). Foster explores the five great traditions of the Christian taking biblical, ancient and recent case studies of people who expressed them.
Eugene Peterson, Christ Plays in 10,000 Places (Eerdmans Publishing Co. 2005). Peterson’s ‘conversation in spiritual theology’ has become one of the central books on our Transit training year and in particular helped us think about ‘incarnational’ communities.
Abbot Christopher Jamison, Finding Sanctuary (Weidenfeld & Nicolson 2006). Written by the Abbot of Worth Abbey - featured in the TV show The Monastery – this is a helpful, readable and practical journey through monasticism and the rule of St.Benedict.
Jean Vanier, Community and Growth (Darton, Longman and Todd 1976). Written by the founder of the L’Arche community, this book is the one I regularly go back to in looking to learn and live out simple community. His chapters about meals and hospitality are especially helpful.
BAH! I'm SO excited! :D
Monday, March 9, 2009
Christian Hipsters
Are You A Christian Hipster?
Definitely worth looking at.
I am most definitely a Christian Hipster - though I'm sketched out by Benny Hinn.
Definitely worth looking at.
I am most definitely a Christian Hipster - though I'm sketched out by Benny Hinn.
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