Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Ode to the Cool Kids
One of my goals this semester has been to learn to love the cool kids. The cool kids are probably the hardest group of people for me to love; After all, it was THEIR KIND who initially made a marginalized specimen out of ME - not the other way around. It all started in Gr. 2 when I was not one of Matthew McCarty's chosen girls to fall in love with. The girls he did fall in love with, making a huge spectackle about being in love with them, remain cool to this very day. Coolness is assigned early and its a hard club to break into once its formed.
The cool kids in my life are no longer kids but young adults. They are stylish. They are good looking. They know what's hot and what's not. And that is not me. So it is my natural reaction to resent the cool kids. If I avoid and hate them, I don't have to deal with their nonsense. PEOPLE LOVE ME, YOU STUPID COOL KIDS, SO I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, my life attempts to scream at them. Except that when I am forced to be around them my natural reaction is to worship them, which is problematic to say the least.
Anyway, recently a cool kid died in a car accident. I didn't know him, but he was good looking and stylish, which, is quite enough for me to wish to avoid his presence altogether. I don't know what his attitude was, but with a face like that, how could he be anything but "cool"? I am positive that had I had the chance, I would not have bothered to get to know him. He was too pretty.
Except the thing is, I don't think he was "cool". Having met his gorgeous yet humble family, and having heard stories of his life, I don't think he was the traditional asshole I assign to people who look like him. So I decided to no longer discriminate against cool people, or people who I perceived as being cool.
ALL people need love, whether they treat me as an inferior or not. And some people, though beautiful and stylish, are not even like that. They managed to escape that black hole of pride, probably with Jesus' help.
The thing is, I have pride issues against those people. Years of pent up bitterness - YOU BLOODY PRETENTIOUS OPPRESSORS! I DON'T NEED YOU!
Cool people make me angry. They are SO hard to love. It is SO against my nature to even smile lovingly in the direction of a cool person.
And so I have been experimenting with learning to love cool people this semester. Some gorgeous people have been great, and I'm glad I've gotten to know them. I appreciate their presence in my life and their attitude of inclusiveness is SO powerful.
The thing about cool people is that they hold a lot of power. If a cool person treats a plebian well, it speaks volumes. If an average person treats a plebian well, it is significant, but not mind-shattering. An all-inclusive attitude amongst those who are naturally good looking and stylish, I would argue, is crucial to authentic community. When good looking and stylish Christians only hang out with other good looking and stylish Christians, or awkward and ugly Christians only hang out with other awkward and ugly Christians, we are creating STUPID divisions. The body of Christ needs to be unified, not divided into ridiculous subdivisions of levels of cool.
Other cool kids have been less than a stellar experience. There's nothing quite like being reminded of your apparent inferiority. It sucks. I guess the next step for me is to learn to not be bitter towards the cool kids.
They cannot help the role that society has assigned to them. Even if they can, why would they want to? They're on top, and stepping down from there would be a huge blow to the ego, something that would take a lot of strength and courage. I have been blessed to be naturally uncool. I don't have to make the big leaps of status that they do in order to build community.
I MUST learn to have compassion on them. I AM no better than they are, so I need to stop thinking that I am just because I don't have the same struggles that they do.
But it is hard. And I am angry.
But with every fibre in my being, cool kids, I WILL forgive you and you WILL be loved unconditionally by me one day. Because JESUS loves you unconditionally and I long to emulate him.
It would just be a hell of a lot easier if you would get off your bloody high horse.
That is all.
The cool kids in my life are no longer kids but young adults. They are stylish. They are good looking. They know what's hot and what's not. And that is not me. So it is my natural reaction to resent the cool kids. If I avoid and hate them, I don't have to deal with their nonsense. PEOPLE LOVE ME, YOU STUPID COOL KIDS, SO I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, my life attempts to scream at them. Except that when I am forced to be around them my natural reaction is to worship them, which is problematic to say the least.
Anyway, recently a cool kid died in a car accident. I didn't know him, but he was good looking and stylish, which, is quite enough for me to wish to avoid his presence altogether. I don't know what his attitude was, but with a face like that, how could he be anything but "cool"? I am positive that had I had the chance, I would not have bothered to get to know him. He was too pretty.
Except the thing is, I don't think he was "cool". Having met his gorgeous yet humble family, and having heard stories of his life, I don't think he was the traditional asshole I assign to people who look like him. So I decided to no longer discriminate against cool people, or people who I perceived as being cool.
ALL people need love, whether they treat me as an inferior or not. And some people, though beautiful and stylish, are not even like that. They managed to escape that black hole of pride, probably with Jesus' help.
The thing is, I have pride issues against those people. Years of pent up bitterness - YOU BLOODY PRETENTIOUS OPPRESSORS! I DON'T NEED YOU!
Cool people make me angry. They are SO hard to love. It is SO against my nature to even smile lovingly in the direction of a cool person.
And so I have been experimenting with learning to love cool people this semester. Some gorgeous people have been great, and I'm glad I've gotten to know them. I appreciate their presence in my life and their attitude of inclusiveness is SO powerful.
The thing about cool people is that they hold a lot of power. If a cool person treats a plebian well, it speaks volumes. If an average person treats a plebian well, it is significant, but not mind-shattering. An all-inclusive attitude amongst those who are naturally good looking and stylish, I would argue, is crucial to authentic community. When good looking and stylish Christians only hang out with other good looking and stylish Christians, or awkward and ugly Christians only hang out with other awkward and ugly Christians, we are creating STUPID divisions. The body of Christ needs to be unified, not divided into ridiculous subdivisions of levels of cool.
Other cool kids have been less than a stellar experience. There's nothing quite like being reminded of your apparent inferiority. It sucks. I guess the next step for me is to learn to not be bitter towards the cool kids.
They cannot help the role that society has assigned to them. Even if they can, why would they want to? They're on top, and stepping down from there would be a huge blow to the ego, something that would take a lot of strength and courage. I have been blessed to be naturally uncool. I don't have to make the big leaps of status that they do in order to build community.
I MUST learn to have compassion on them. I AM no better than they are, so I need to stop thinking that I am just because I don't have the same struggles that they do.
But it is hard. And I am angry.
But with every fibre in my being, cool kids, I WILL forgive you and you WILL be loved unconditionally by me one day. Because JESUS loves you unconditionally and I long to emulate him.
It would just be a hell of a lot easier if you would get off your bloody high horse.
That is all.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
One More Minute... Forever!
A couple months ago my housemate and I were on a bus. I asked, "What time is it?" She looked at her cell phone and replied, "9:49". Then a little while later she looked down again and said, "Still 9:49". Then I responded, "Whoah, what if it was 9:49 FOREVER?"
So we developed a theory out of it. Or at least an alternative universe out of it. What if, for the rest of your life, you were stuck in one minute, and that is how you spent the rest of your life, but also, the quality of whatever you did, could only be the quality of whatever one minute of effort produces.
You cannot have a terribly deep conversation in one minute but perhaps you can meet someone.
Maybe on that bus you could find someone to make out with in less than a minute.
You could do a shocking dance, holler out, whatever. Because the consequences of your actions would only be insofar as a minute lasts. So, you're pretty free in this one minute of time.
Me? I decided I would want to find someone to give me a head massage. I feel like that's a doable thing in one minute and it would also be a pleasant way to spend eternity.
So we developed a theory out of it. Or at least an alternative universe out of it. What if, for the rest of your life, you were stuck in one minute, and that is how you spent the rest of your life, but also, the quality of whatever you did, could only be the quality of whatever one minute of effort produces.
You cannot have a terribly deep conversation in one minute but perhaps you can meet someone.
Maybe on that bus you could find someone to make out with in less than a minute.
You could do a shocking dance, holler out, whatever. Because the consequences of your actions would only be insofar as a minute lasts. So, you're pretty free in this one minute of time.
Me? I decided I would want to find someone to give me a head massage. I feel like that's a doable thing in one minute and it would also be a pleasant way to spend eternity.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I am Going to Cut Katie's Hair!
This isn't so much an experiment with Truth I suppose...
But it is an experiment! An experiment with life, and simplicity since haircuts are expensive and I am working for free!
I've never cut hair before.
Apparently this is how you do it:
But it is an experiment! An experiment with life, and simplicity since haircuts are expensive and I am working for free!
I've never cut hair before.
Apparently this is how you do it:
Monday, January 25, 2010
Women are Just as Capable of Leadership as Men... I Guess...
A couple weeks ago, a friend was saying that she noticed a change in me after I cut my hair. She said that long-haired Gloria was a follower but short-haired Gloria was a leader. Its a little more complicated than that, but its interesting because there actually was a direct correlation between why I cut my hair and why I became a leader.
The reason for both was this: Honestly, I was waiting to find a nice Christian man who had dreams so that I could support him in whatever he wanted to do. I DID have dreams of my own - of community and having a very open house to marginalized people... but it was an awkward dream and I didn't like thinking about it. Its weird to answer, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "live in community with marginalized women." Its easier to just say, "oh, you know, maybe teach?"
And then, one night last year I was up fretting about the future. And I realized that I had this dream and I knew it was attainable and I knew it was all I really wanted. So I got out of bed and went to my kitchen fridge and made a poem prayer with our fridge poetry. The poem took me about an hour, maybe more, but it was that night that I realized I needed to grab life by the horns and pursue my dreams.
This seems almost sinful to me, pursuing my own dreams. It seems selfish, like, who am I, a WOMAN, leading ANYTHING? It seems like such an unflexible situation for any man to appear in. I mean, isn't it my role to be his "helper"?
But the thing is there was no man, and there may never be any man. Mother Teresa didn't have a man and she did fine. So... sometimes you just have to go for it, and who cares if its a turn off.
So, in a wash of independence I cut my hair short. I did so because the main reason it was long was because I had read somewhere that guys like long hair. The hair hadn't done a tonne to attract many guys anyway, and the ones it had attracted hadn't been stellar anyway. And I was no longer waiting for a guy to come along for my life's ministry to start. So, if I wanted it short and I wasn't waiting around for a guy for my life to start, why not cut it short?
And I also switched schools and majors. I wanted to stay in university because I loved learning, but I realized I didn't really need to worry about the practicality of whatever I majored in because getting a career wasn't what I wanted to focus on anyway. I didn't want to become a psychologist, to get paid to counsel people, and I didn't even like Psychology! So why would I major in something I hated so much?
Everything became clear. Well, except that I still don't know what I'll actually do to make money, but that really doesn't matter. I believe God ordained these dreams or else they wouldn't be so persistent. And God has lots of money. So screw it all!
I still feel a little weird... and this still feels really selfish. How dare I pursue something I WANT to do! Its just so... unfeminine. Or, at least it is if you believe the sole purpose of women is to be supportive to men. But again, there was no man, so I had nobody to do that for!
It scares me that my automatic thinking is so medieval. I *know* that's wrong, that God gives women dreams and leadership abilities too. I know that because I am a woman with dreams and the ability to lead.
Oye. I don't know. I don't like feeling thrust in the position of being an angry, defiant bra-burning feminist but it seems necessary.
The reason for both was this: Honestly, I was waiting to find a nice Christian man who had dreams so that I could support him in whatever he wanted to do. I DID have dreams of my own - of community and having a very open house to marginalized people... but it was an awkward dream and I didn't like thinking about it. Its weird to answer, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "live in community with marginalized women." Its easier to just say, "oh, you know, maybe teach?"
And then, one night last year I was up fretting about the future. And I realized that I had this dream and I knew it was attainable and I knew it was all I really wanted. So I got out of bed and went to my kitchen fridge and made a poem prayer with our fridge poetry. The poem took me about an hour, maybe more, but it was that night that I realized I needed to grab life by the horns and pursue my dreams.
This seems almost sinful to me, pursuing my own dreams. It seems selfish, like, who am I, a WOMAN, leading ANYTHING? It seems like such an unflexible situation for any man to appear in. I mean, isn't it my role to be his "helper"?
But the thing is there was no man, and there may never be any man. Mother Teresa didn't have a man and she did fine. So... sometimes you just have to go for it, and who cares if its a turn off.
So, in a wash of independence I cut my hair short. I did so because the main reason it was long was because I had read somewhere that guys like long hair. The hair hadn't done a tonne to attract many guys anyway, and the ones it had attracted hadn't been stellar anyway. And I was no longer waiting for a guy to come along for my life's ministry to start. So, if I wanted it short and I wasn't waiting around for a guy for my life to start, why not cut it short?
And I also switched schools and majors. I wanted to stay in university because I loved learning, but I realized I didn't really need to worry about the practicality of whatever I majored in because getting a career wasn't what I wanted to focus on anyway. I didn't want to become a psychologist, to get paid to counsel people, and I didn't even like Psychology! So why would I major in something I hated so much?
Everything became clear. Well, except that I still don't know what I'll actually do to make money, but that really doesn't matter. I believe God ordained these dreams or else they wouldn't be so persistent. And God has lots of money. So screw it all!
I still feel a little weird... and this still feels really selfish. How dare I pursue something I WANT to do! Its just so... unfeminine. Or, at least it is if you believe the sole purpose of women is to be supportive to men. But again, there was no man, so I had nobody to do that for!
It scares me that my automatic thinking is so medieval. I *know* that's wrong, that God gives women dreams and leadership abilities too. I know that because I am a woman with dreams and the ability to lead.
Oye. I don't know. I don't like feeling thrust in the position of being an angry, defiant bra-burning feminist but it seems necessary.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Why My Facebook Profile Has Gotten All Christiany Lately
On December 11, a 22 year old leader at my church died instantly in a car accident. Since then there has been a lot of processing done by the Embassy community, not the least of which has taken place in our living room. Though I personally didn't know him, I can truly say that his death has changed my life.
This guy totally lived his faith out loud and labelled it clearly. I used to make fun of people like that. Christian T-shirts. Overly Christianized Facebook profiles. It all seemed like such a good way to ostracize yourself and then not make any non-believing friends at all, thus having nobody to show Jesus to except people who already know Him. I think I also feared replacing true Christian spirituality with its squeaky clean, made-in-China merchandise Christian culture counterpart. But this guy, he had a message, a thesis to his life, and it seems to have been splattered all over everything he did.
His thesis: Live your life for God right now.
Everything you can possibly stalk about him on the internet BLASTS this thesis. Stalk him on Facebook yourself! His name is David Powell and his facebook page is relatively open. Its in each of his Facebook pictures, of him on some sort of adventure, with people he clearly cares about or being silly.
His profile, in his religious views, his little box and his quotes ALL scream this thesis. Just look:
Even his last facebook status update before his death read, "I want to run, jump and spread life in this world..."
Lastly, at the Embassy we have a weekly question to answer on camera and then everyone's answers get smooshed together for a 2-3 minute video which introduces the sermon the next week. Usually the question is silly and usually people's answers are silly. In October, the question was, "What are your words of wisdom for the world?" Most people gave silly answers (you can see the full video here).
His unedited (or, less edited) answer is not silly, but thoughtful and beautiful. And he says it again, "Live your life for God now!"
Here is that version:
Having examined his life on the internet, hung out with his family a couple times, talked to his friends, I've seen the impact that having a clear life thesis can have on your surrounding community. Why would I ever want to be ambiguous about what I want to say to the world?
So I thought about it. What DO I want my life to say to the world? I decided: "God loves you!" So I'm going to say it clearly and directly, a lot. Its not enough to live a life of love. People need to know Who's light I'm shining because it is not my own! I would hate for someone to see my life and, not knowing I was a Christian, think, "Well, if she can be a great person without Jesus than so can I." That would be so opposite to what I want my life to be about!
And that, blog world, is why you will now always see in some form or another, "God loves you" under my Facbeook dp and why my statuses have gotten a little more spiritually meaty.
This guy totally lived his faith out loud and labelled it clearly. I used to make fun of people like that. Christian T-shirts. Overly Christianized Facebook profiles. It all seemed like such a good way to ostracize yourself and then not make any non-believing friends at all, thus having nobody to show Jesus to except people who already know Him. I think I also feared replacing true Christian spirituality with its squeaky clean, made-in-China merchandise Christian culture counterpart. But this guy, he had a message, a thesis to his life, and it seems to have been splattered all over everything he did.
His thesis: Live your life for God right now.
Everything you can possibly stalk about him on the internet BLASTS this thesis. Stalk him on Facebook yourself! His name is David Powell and his facebook page is relatively open. Its in each of his Facebook pictures, of him on some sort of adventure, with people he clearly cares about or being silly.
His profile, in his religious views, his little box and his quotes ALL scream this thesis. Just look:
Even his last facebook status update before his death read, "I want to run, jump and spread life in this world..."
Lastly, at the Embassy we have a weekly question to answer on camera and then everyone's answers get smooshed together for a 2-3 minute video which introduces the sermon the next week. Usually the question is silly and usually people's answers are silly. In October, the question was, "What are your words of wisdom for the world?" Most people gave silly answers (you can see the full video here).
His unedited (or, less edited) answer is not silly, but thoughtful and beautiful. And he says it again, "Live your life for God now!"
Here is that version:
Having examined his life on the internet, hung out with his family a couple times, talked to his friends, I've seen the impact that having a clear life thesis can have on your surrounding community. Why would I ever want to be ambiguous about what I want to say to the world?
So I thought about it. What DO I want my life to say to the world? I decided: "God loves you!" So I'm going to say it clearly and directly, a lot. Its not enough to live a life of love. People need to know Who's light I'm shining because it is not my own! I would hate for someone to see my life and, not knowing I was a Christian, think, "Well, if she can be a great person without Jesus than so can I." That would be so opposite to what I want my life to be about!
And that, blog world, is why you will now always see in some form or another, "God loves you" under my Facbeook dp and why my statuses have gotten a little more spiritually meaty.
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