A few times a week it is only me and my boss in the kitchen for roughly half an hour. A couple months ago I attempted to tell him about the community house but really butchered it and basically made it sound like I was part of a cult. I've been attempting to redeem that image of us for him ever since.
When he asks me what I did on the weekend, I occasionally have an opportunity to tell him about SHOW, an apartment complex built by local churches that houses formerly homeless people. I was there last week as well, so I told him about my experience that week.
That week at SHOW one of the residents made a big, awkward, threatening kerfuffle as we all sat around in the common room eating cookies and playing cards with the residents. It lasted a while, him walking around shouting about how he didn't like Christians, getting close to people's faces and insulting them. I was terrified. Eventually one of the workers at SHOW who was a woman came in and calmed him done. I want to be like her when I grow up.
So I had the opportunity to explain this situation to my boss. He said it was a shame that stuff like that happens because it might prevent people from going back. I explained to him that I think everyone gets a high from something. Sometimes its alcohol, sports, drugs, the outdoors, dangerous sports... people seem to like the thrill of not quite knowing what will happen. I explained to him that these kinds of occurrences are how I get my high.
And last night we talked about war and peace in Forum. And it was brought up about how God's goal is not our protection. I firmly believe that its a Christian's responsibility to let go of their need to be protected so that they can love everyone, and not just those its comfortable to love.
But I feel like except for the once in a while encounters at SHOW, my life is sorely lacking that kind of adventure.
I'm super bored and I want to live a more terrifying life. I want it to infiltrate the routine of my life.
I don't want to live a safe and protected life!
And eventually I don't want it to be quite so motivated by the high I get from being in scary circumstances of service... and more motivated by actual love, but I'm not there yet.
But in the meantime, I'm bored.
Hey Gloria - it was great to stumble upon this blog entry. I like what you said about giving up our need to be protected. I read something a few days ago that reminds me of what you have written here..."to care means first of all to empty our own cup and to allow the other to come close to us. It means to take away the many barriers which prevent us from entering into communion with the other. When we dare to care, then we discover that nothing human is foreign to us, but that all the hatred and love, cruelty and compassion, fear and joy can be found in our own hearts." (Nouwen) I'm realizing more and more that to care about someone else means first to let someone come close to us, which will mean letting down our protective walls.
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