Tears of the Saints - Leeland

This weekend my forum visited the Dream Centre, a local outreach centre for homeless and low-income people. They gave us a tour and gave us some information on what homelessness in Waterloo region looked like and their role in relieving it. They also showed us a movie, and this song was playing in the background. Its an incredibly powerful song so I thought I would share it.

Oh! I found a video on the Dream Centre! Its not exactly the one I saw, but whatevs. Here it is:

Salty Grace by Life in Your Way

Surely death has found me, It has kept a hold of me all this far
My actions will reveal, only time will tell
These passions start to slip away
Memories flash like seconds in a day
I see the world from the outside
There is something to say about being desperate, down and love
Giving a chance to see what it all can mean
There is something to say about being desperate, down and low
Upon my arrival, I either learn to swim or drown
As I struggle for air I see only water
And I reach for anything as I cry for help
I feel my body growing weak
Slipping away, It occurs to me that my cries are worthless
Acknowledging death
I no longer mourn my own loss
And begin to sing praises to the one that has me here
As I sink to my salty grave I drown
No hand to reach for, no ear to listen
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound... In your ear
I sink to my salty grave
Up to the light I will sing praises, surely we will all die
Up to the light I will sing praises because surely we will all die

For the Love of Toilet Paper - A Social Experiment

A couple months ago, my two Christian housemates and I excitedly hypothesized about all the great community-building things we would do in our complex. Basically, we epically failed. But we did do this (and will hopefully continue to do more in the future):

There are 22 units in our housing situation. It is two rows of eleven joined houses. The entrances face each other and have a roof overhead. One would think this arrangement would encourage neighbourly affection. It doesn't. Everyone is as cold as a true-blue suburbanite.

We also live in a somewhat terrifying part of town. In September, there were two sexual assaults that took place within a 5 minute walk from my house, one just outside my complex. These occurences didm't encourage neighbourly affection either.

So we wanted to change the status quo by giving every one of the houses a little gift and an encouraging note.

"What does everyone need?" we thought outloud amongst ourselves. People might throw away food fearing it was poisoned. So we decided on... toilet paper!

Thus, we wrapped 21 rolls in blue tissue paper held together with yellow curled ribbon. We attached a note that followed structure of, "Dear (house #), We hope you like your unorthodox gift! We'd also like to have you over for supper. If you want to do this too, please come knock on our door or leave us a note if we're not home. Sincerely, (us)"

I must admit we came up with this idea weeks ago. But we are busy. (Though, mostly, we are lazy.)

Feeling convicted at our Thursday night Irresistible Revolution book study, we finally finished our project at 2:30am that night. We filled a laundry basket with the tp and went from door to door in our complex, putting our presents in the mailboxes. It was blissful and we felt like Christmas elves.

The next morning my housemate overheard a conversation between a guy who lives in our complex and someone who does not. Apparently the guy was pretty weirded out. Ba ha ha. Its only to be expected, but we hoped that wouldn't be EVERYONE'S response.

AND IT WASN'T! Around 3 o clock the next day a girl with black and purple dread locks came to our door. She thanked us for the present and said she and her housemates would love to come for supper! And they're coming on Wednesday.

It. Gets. Better.

So, Saturday night (Halloween) I found myself unexpectedly alone in the house. Ever since L'Abri I've found I get lonely easily, which is odd since for years before that I was definitely overly reclusive. But anyway, so I was feeling sorry for myself when around 8:30, dreadlock girl came to the door! She offered me pumpkin seeds and we talked.

And then I kind of invited myself over to her place and we watched the Nightmare Before Christmas and a transvestite comedian. But mostly we talked. And she brought up God, really early into the conversation, actually. Interestingly, we have similar stories, both disillusioned by the Church, but she took one road and I took the other. It was amazing though in the sense that I was actually able to share my journey with her pretty thoroughly, and oddly enough I wasn't even flustered. It was a really chill evening.

We also talked about drugs and especially marijuana. They're really passionate about pot at that house, which, while different than my background, is okay with me. We discussed the spiritual aspects of pot-smoking for quite some time. It makes me thankful I read a biography on Bob Marley and watched the documentary Grass. I think those educational experiences helped me come off a little more balanced in my views of pot than I would have otherwise.

Yay life!

Yay experiments!

Yay God!

Whoah

Oh My Goodness...

Don't Give Up

This article is a must-read:

Grandmothers Go to Jail for Peace

I love it! Its so encouraging to see that passion isn't necessarily something that fades with maturity.

Starring Me In the Face

“Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, ‘Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that’s the whole art and joy of words.’ A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?” - C.S. Lewis in Til We Have Faces

A perennial, burning question on my heart has been for quite some time now, "What is the difference between someone who is actively choosing the redemptive process and someone who is actively rejecting it?" Most of the time, I truly feel as though there is none.

But last night, my Mennonite History class went on a field trip to visit an Old Order Mennonite couple in an Old Order Mennonite school house. And it was inspiring.

Old Order Mennonites are people who felt the Mennonite Church was becoming too liberal and individualistic during the Great Awakening that swept North America by storm. Thus, they formed their own little communities, reverting back in time a bit, and they are now known in this area as the "horse and buggy Mennonites."

I like the way they live. Its more eco-friendly. However, they don't seem to realize this, rejecting cars because "it could cause people to want to get involved in impure things - like going to the movie theatre". Personally, I'm not ready to give up my reliance on motorized transportation. But it gnaws on me that there are people who have given it up and are quite content with that.

Its far more community oriented. If someone gets sick, the congregation pays their medical bills. If someone sins and confesses it, an announcement in church is made that yes, brother so-and-so sinned, but he has confessed it and it is in the past now. Decisions about how to live in the world but not of it are discussed at congregational councils. If a tragedy happens, the individuals know their congregation will be there to support them.

It puts a high emphasis on pacifism.
It puts a high emphasis on discipline.
Its obsessed with following the teachings of Jesus.

Part of me desperately wants to join, or at least try it out. Outsiders are welcome to their Sunday services and if someone wants to join, they are encouraged to live with a family for awhile to see if this is something they are willing to do.

Part of me laughs at how entrenched in legalism they are. Or are they? I HAVE seen many things which have affected my purity in movie theatres, and in the media in general. I don't believe a movie theatre is an evil in and of itself though. I have also seen movies with a powerful Christ-like message in movie theatres, like Water, Amazing Grace and obviously The Passion of the Christ.

Sometimes being a Christian is like doing a little dance on a very thin rope, trying not to fall into the crowd below, or falling in, but justifying it by saying redemption can be found in many secular things and backing that argument up by Scripture.

I feel like Old Order Mennonites try not to even climb onto the rope, preferring to occupy their time with other things that have nothing to do with trying to sort through the evils or redemptive qualities of mass culture.

And they stick out so much that they do get questioned a lot about their faith. The couple re-iterated that a few times last night.

I LONG to stick out so much that I get questioned.

But perhaps the bonnets and flowered dresses are simply their own versions of Christian T-Shirts - something unimportant to identify the in-crowd from the out-crowd.

I used to find Christian t-shirts quite attractive before I learned to scoff at them. They WERE handy. In my mind I would think, "Oh, isn't that great! He's not ashamed of his faith! I should marry him."

*Smiles* if you have made it this far in my post I congratulate you. This is more of a discussion topic than a blog topic. I have far too many loosely related ideas bouncing around in my head. Turrah.

This month I have intensely missed Guelph but I know that this time last year I intensely missed CBC. And when at CBC I intensely missed high school. I think it gets easier every year though.

However, being in class makes me happy I came. Living and being with my friends in Waterloo makes me happy too. The only thing which really annoys me is the cold, isolationist mood of this campus and city.

It bothers me most that people, especially on campus, don't acknowledge strangers' existence when they walk by. I mean, when presented with a picture of a person, and a picture of say, a waterfall or a flower, which are you most likely to stare at? I'm most likely to stare at the person, because people are beautiful and terribly interesting to look at, even if they aren't "hott". Facebook wouldn't be Crackbook if the only pictures people put up were those of flowers and waterfalls, don't you think?

Yet we pass people, these incredibly examples of Divine Beauty every day without even making eye contact. Its weird and I don't like it. Perhaps I should chase people through the buildings and force them to look into my eyes and acknowledge my existence, or at least chase them so that they know that I acknowledge their existence. Somehow I feel like that, indeed, would be more natural than this current system.

Anyway, I'm whining and I know it. And there are worst things. I'm lucky to have the community in Waterloo that I do have, even if it is among a sea of blank eyes.

Sharangeloria!

This is the night Sharon, Angela and Gloria got gussied up and went out for dinner in Toronto. We were celebrating Angela, who wanted to do this instead of going to her prom. Everyone had a busy summer, so last weekend was the earliest we could finally do this.

Frustrated with Fair Trade

I am desperate for a new pair of shoes.

At the beginning of the summer, I needed a pair of black shoes for working in a kitchen. It was also my first time buying new shoes in a very long time, and I wanted to make sure they were sweatshop free. So from store to store we went, looking for the label "Made in Canada" or "Made in the USA." We found a pair eventually, after exausting three malls and several other shoe stores. My shoes are ugly as sin, a men's pair of runners that I actually had to go over in permanent marker to make entirely black, but at least they are functional and (I assume?) exploitation-free!

Now I'm looking for nice shoes to wear out and about, especially for the Fall. I've been bumming off my Mom and sister for months now, and that's not fair to them nor is it good for my feet.

Knowing what I was up against, I was in an apathetic mood the other day and my Mom and I went shopping for just any pair of shoes I would like, sweatshops involved or no sweatshops involved. We went to our local outlet mall.

I am actually desperate for a lot of different articles of clothing, especially clothes I don't feel comfortable buying second-hand, like socks and pajama shorts. So, the first store we went into, I got some socks and pajama shorts there.

After that, we had ZERO luck finding anything. I would find shoes that I loved, but they wouldn't be in my size. I don't have overly large or small feet so that doesn't usually happen to me, but it happened over and over again that day.

I was in such an apathetic mood that I even began trying on new clothes from various stores, regardless of where they were made. *ITS JUST TOO DAMN HARD TO FIND ANYTHING ETHICAL!* I justified. Also, my Mom was paying, and its a lot easier to buy new when someone who can afford it is paying for it. Even still, I never found anything that fit properly or that I liked.

Frustrated and tired in one of the last shoe stores in the mall, one of us realized I was no longer carrying the bag of pajamas and socks. Apparently I had set it down somewhere. My Mom went off to find it while I tried on more shoes, but came back empty handed about 25 minutes later. It seems my socks and pjs had been stolen. (Seriously, who steals something like that?)

So, the day was actually counter-productive. And I still have nothing.

There is a fair trade clothing store in town, but the quality of clothes that it sells is low. I've had several articles of clothing fall apart on me now.

Later that night, still apathetic and also annoyed now, I was listening to the song, "Waking Up in Vegas" by Katy Perry. And, as odd as this sounds, I feel like God used that song to speak to me about my apathy. Words like, "Shut up and put your money where your mouth is / That's what you get for waking up in Vegas" totally spoke to my heart.

And so, I still need new shoes, but I'm learning that I need to not give up on the pursuit of justice, even in decisions as small as my choice of shoes for the Fall. Because God's heart is with the oppressed, and even though I live in the privileged part of the world, a part of the world that partially got so rich by exploiting the other majority of the world, that doesn't mean I need to be a part of that!

To Facebook or Not To Facebook...

Pros:
1) Its easier to stay in touch.
2) You get invited to a lot of events / find out about a lot of open events. And it even has a nice convenient spreadsheet of what's going on and who's going.
3) Hours of "keeping in touch" with people you don't want to know that you actually care about knowing what's new with them.
4) Easy photo sharing.
5) I had a nice number of friends, once upon a time. I looked like I was popular without being one of those people who obnoxiously adds every person they've ever encountered. Why this is important to me I don't know.
6) Its a nice way of saying, "Hey! I acknowledge your existence! Lets be friends!"
7) A LOT of e-mails to check when you sign in to your e-mail address. I had forgotten about that.

Cons:
1) It robs us of our youth. There are better ways to spend life than in front of a screen all day.
2) It shouldn't matter to me what so-and-so from Grade One is up to, even if he did turn out to be hott.
3) Its a collosal waste of time.
4) E-mails and letters make people feel more special.
5) Its kind of awkward now to be like, "Hey, can I have your e-mail address?"
6) Now I youtube a lot more.
7) I miss stalking people.

Tony Campolo has a Special Place in My Heart

At camp when I was 16, we had a choice of several different seminars to attend. I attended one on homosexuality. The leader introduced the topic saying, "I may say some things that your parents wouldn't agree with..." and then he pulled out a book by Tony Campolo called Speaking My Mind which talks about a whole slew of awkward topics, homosexuality included. I was introduced to a lot of new thoughts. Not too long after I went out and bought the book myself. Now its one of my favourites.


And thus began my awkward stumbling towards a belief system that was less about abstinence (Ironically I chose that seminar over the one my friends were going to - one on sexual purity.) and more about getting my hands dirty.

Life Updation

About six weeks ago, I was feeling very alone in the world. Since I hadn't been to church in, well, months, I decided it was time I started going back. So, I went to a student church called The Embassy. I didn't know anybody who would be there, and because of that I almost didn't go. Anytime I've ever gone before I've gone with friends, we've shuffled in and then immediately shuffled out at the end, only ever talking amongst each other. Occasionally I'll see a few people I knew from camp and I'll awkwardly catch up with them for five minutes. But that has always been the extent of it. So I wasn't expecting much.

I was really intimidated at first. I chose a seat in a row where nobody was sitting yet and I sat right in the middle. Then some guy came and sat on the very end of the row on one side and another guy came and sat on the other end. Goody, I thought, pretending to read the book I happened to have with me. I figured I'd be sitting alone all night.

But then! Then a girl and her friends came in late and for some reason they all split up. She sat near me, and at "mingle time" (that awkward hand-shaking time that I usually loathe) we really hit it off! She introduced me to her friends afterwards and I ended up meeting like nine people that night! I stayed for an extra hour or so meeting various people! It was excellent.

And now, long story short, I'm going to be one of the leaders in The Embassy Student Association (ESA) at the University of Waterloo come the Fall. I'll be one of three people in charge of the missional aspect of the ESA, the mission being to serve the students of the univesity emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Among other things, we're going to attempt to set up communities of students, where everyone who wants to participate will be notified of the other students in their area and we'll all have an open-door policy towards each other. And we'll be intentional about using that open-door policy too. The focus will be to do life together - boring life, like eating and reading and studying and fixing stuff and making stuff and whatever! As well as doing exciting life together too, obviously. The goal is, more or less, to set up Christian communities (where people who aren't Christian are also very welcome) who live out redemption together. We're kind of basing the idea off of this sermon, which, though long, and slow to begin, is totally worth the time it takes to listen to it.

To me, this is pretty exciting, because my friend (coincidentally the head of the ESA) and I want to start a Christian community house the following year, so this is very much a step in the right direction for that!

I've also met another girl at church passionate about homelessness. We've decided that this year, every week we're going to find someone homeless and take them out for lunch. I love it!

In conclusion, I'm really looking forward to the Fall, and the explosive potential of everything I'm getting involved in.

There is also much more that is new with me, but that would take a lot to type out.

Ta ta for now!

Adventures in Port Burwell

The "Dinosaur Tree" (because it looks like the bottom of a dinosaur, no?)



Drying the dishes!



Umm... yes.



An Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kind of day



Matt thoughtfully reading



A kerfuffle waiting to happen



Me and some girl I met at camp once with Port Burwell's infamous lighthouse in the back



Pretending we don't know how to smile because that's just our sense of humour.



Port Burwell's Summer Festival



Summer Bliss



Shortly After pretending to be Venus in Botticelli's Birth of Venus

Wedding Dress

As a bridesmaid to my former roommate who is getting married in November, the two of us have discussed wedding ideas a LOT. My favourite idea of ours is an LOTR themed wedding, complete with elvin cloaks for the wedding party and the use of a fog machine as we all walk down the isle to Enya at a midnight ceremony. Obviously the wedding ring would have elvish on it and would be presented by two small men dressed like hobbits. She likes this idea but only in theory.

Anyway, all this talk has got me thinking a bit about what I would like one day.

My friend wanted "fairy sleeves" on her wedding dress and when I googled that, I found a dress I fell in love with!

Here it is:



Now, all I need is a groom.

Not Tiptoeing... Or Something

In a word, I want to do something crazy.

Having just gotten back from a wonderful week of camping, I've had a lot of time to reflect on who I want to be.

I want to be counter-cultural. I want to be radical. I want to appear insanely awkward by following my convictions with absolute purity.

Part of this is my selfish desire to show off, to shock and awe while spitting in the face of convention. But I also really do want to follow a Savior who was known for being offensively counter-cultural too.

I have a very strong urge to:
1) Be homeless for a while.
2) See if I can arrange to live with an Old Order Mennonite family for an extended period of time to see what extreme unapologetic simplicity looks like in action.

But I think realistically that all needs to wait until I finish school.

But I want to be insanely awkward NOW!

And I can be insanely awkward now.

Bah. I have commitment issues.

Basically, what I'm saying, is please pray for me.

What Do You Think?

Downside Up

"Fuck! We're all here! Share!" - a youth in Downside Up



At work on my break yesterday, I was in the staff room reading the paper, and this picture caught my eye because I thought I recognized the location. A similar place is one of my favourite "secret" places to go off to sometimes.

Anyway, I read the article and it was about how this man made a documentary on local homeless youth. There was a screening tonight, so some Bible study friends and I went.

The documentary was about nine people, all under 25ish, who live on the streets. Its about their opinions, their experiences, their dreams. I placed my favourite quote from the movie at the top of this post. He was talking about how silly it is that our country has the money and resources, individuals have the money and resources, but there is still extreme poverty in Canada and huge inequities.

What tugged on my heart the most was that I recognized one of the women in the documentary from my high school. I know her by name. She was in my Grade Nine French class, and was one of the few people nice enough to talk to me. Because it was a lower level course, as in, the "smart" kids took a higher level of French in Grade Nine, there were a lot of rambunctious sex-obsessed boys in that class, and I was harassed a little. As a scared little girl fresh out of private Christian school, this was terrifying. But she was one of the people who took me under her wing. It was because of her and a couple other compassionate girls that I didn't dread that class every week.

Seeing her there, this person I would have never guessed would ever end up in that situation, really made me hurt for her. It also helped me realize that the stereotypes we put on street people are stupid.

Another thing that really stuck out for me was one guy talking about how hurtful it is to ask someone for change only to be entirely ignored, and how low that makes him feel. I know I've ignored street people asking for change before. And now I'm really sorry I have.

Anyway, the documentary is being sold in a local cafe starting tomorrow. I'm definitely picking one up. Its definitely worth showing people. Its a fantastic film.

Life is Beautiful

This summer I decided I wanted to learn how to quilt. It turns out quilting lessons are not in bounty, but my Mom suggested I call up a family friend, a woman in her sixties, because she knows how to quilt. I did call her up, and she's been teaching me to quilt for a couple of months now.

This lady and her husband have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. She used to teach with my Mom when I was a toddler and they've been friends ever since. Now, she's still a good friend of both my Mom and my Mom's ex-husband, my Dad. So she is intimately acquainted with many of my family's tumultuous issues that have occurred over the last twenty years.

We've had some amazing discussions while stitching together. We've talked about my family, ministry, faith, the evolving church, our passions... Its been a beautiful time we've shared.

She's a wonderful lady but last week, she received the results of some medical tests, and found out she has skin cancer. She told my Mom.

My Mom told me that evening, a few days before my next lesson. I wasn't sure what to do or say when we met again. I decided to not say anything about it at all, since she's not in the habit of disclosing her troubles to me.

For this particular lesson, she took me to her friend Rita's house. Rita happened to be about to set up a quilt she's making for one of her grandchildren and agreed to wait until I could make it before she commenced.

Rita is amazing. She's about 80, 85, and her husband died five years ago. She lives on a granny flat on the side of her family's farmhouse and she still home school's two of her grandchildren. Her house is immaculate and lovely, with well-nurtured plants and quilts hanging up everywhere. She served us lunch and while it was simple: quiche, salad, garlic bread and tea, it was a beautiful meal, You could tell she was very intentional about incorporating beauty into every aspect of her life.

Rita captivated me. She was so with it mentally, and though she was hunched over and clearly quite arthritic, she pressed on, making beauty a priority in her life. I want to be just like her.

Rita and my quilting teacher broached the subject of my teacher's cancer briefly, talking of cat scans and MRIs. When they did, my teacher looked me right in the eye. I gave her a sympathetic half-smile, because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't a part of that conversation anyway.

On the way back home from Rita's house, my teacher and I talked about Rita, and the wonder that she is. We talked of the importance as Christians of incorporating beauty in life and never letting that go if possible.

This story doesn't really have a conclusion. It is simply what happened that day, and I've been thinking about it a lot.

Since then, my Mom has told me more about my teacher's situation, and its a bleak one. My heart goes out to her but I'm not sure what I should do. I'm trying to figure out if it was helpful for me to avoid bringing up the topic that day or not, whether it was helpful to discuss beauty instead of cancer.

I don't know. I've never dealt with terminal illnesses before. Basically, the situation really sucks and I don't know how to love her through this.

Sigur ros - Hljomalind

Some Stuff Which is Good

1) Ten Thousand Villages This is a store, a ministry of MCC, that sells only fair trade items that come from third world countries. They sell coffee, tea, sugar, rice, spices, chocolate, skin care products, paper, home decor stuff, dishes, gorgeous furniture made out of reclaimed wood, books, journals, jewelry, purses, Persian rugs, toys and a whole slew of other products! 70% of the artisans that Villages employs are women. They ensure that the products are made in a sustainable, environmentally friendly fashion. The artisans are paid 50% of the price for their product when their product is ordered so that they can buy materials and have an income as they are making their crafts and then, when the craft is completed, Villages pays the other 50% of the price.

Something else that's cool is that if a place like Pier One cancels an order from a third world country for a bunch of products without paying for it, Villages will buy those products from those artisans!

AND, when you buy something there, if you are so inclined, you can ask for a print out of the artisan's story.

The business is mainly run by volunteers. I know all this because I started there about 7 weeks ago. Not so coincientally, 7 weeks ago is when I started being a coffee drinker, because they have free coffee for anyone who comes into the store (or works there). My favourite blend thus far is the Tanzania Medium Roast.

2) Pushing Daisies



I basically love this cancelled TV show. Its addictive, but you have to start from episode one. Its obscure and artfully done. It is all based on a rediculous premise but the characters have an unexpected amount of depth, though you don't realize that until you get to know them better as the episodes go on.

3) Egg Replacer


This was my best discovery as a vegan. Its cheaper than eggs, and you can put it into any baked good. Or at least, the baked goods that I've tried it in have been cookies, pie crusts, cake and banana bread. All were a great success!

Now, what makes Egg Replacer especially wonderful is its potential in making home made cookie dough safe. Instead of using eggs in your cookie recipe, you can use Egg Replacer, and then eat the cookie dough or give it to a broken-hearted friend. Cookie dough made with Egg Replacer also lasts longer. This year my roommate and I made it for both of our finals periods. Sneaking off to the fridge for another spoonful made the otherwise miserable time more bearable.

4) Flower pressing. Gather flowers that would flatten nicely and stick them in a heavy book for two weeks. That's it. So easy!

I have an odd knack for finding 4 through 8 leaf clovers. Today I found seven four leaf clovers and one five leaf clover. This year I've started pressing them. Its kind of a nice thing to send off in letters or put in birthday cards.


Hmm... and though I might sound perky in this post I'm actually in a bit of a mood. I feel sad and exhausted.

I need to go to bed. Good night!

Gay Prom

My sister, who is not gay, and her female friend, who also is not gay, wanted to go to our city's free gay prom to show their support of our city's gay youth.

They have some homosexual friends, some of whom will be going.

Angela has a real heart for gay rights, and has chosen to do many of her summative school projects on the topic.

She is not the sort of person who is into "experimenting" and is one of the most obsessively sexually pure people that I know, even though she's not a Christian. Thus, I do not think that sort of environment would tempt her to run off and have sexual relationship with another girl.

I think its great that she wanted to go. I think it shows what a beautiful heart she has. I also think that if Jesus walked the earth today, its the sort of place He would hang out at.

It didn't even occur to me that this would be a controversial thing in our family until I came up the stairs to my Mom telling Ange she couldn't go. I stood up for Ange, saying its where Jesus would hang out, and my Mom said, "yeah, to preach to them!" I said, "No, Jesus ate with sinners. He was their friend." The conversation ended.

Apparently my Mom and Ange talked later though, and my Mom said she couldn't go because she didn't want Angela to support homosexual sex.

Personally, I feel, using that logic, the same can be said about going to a regular high school prom, only you're supporting premarital sex, which we're supposed to see as just as sinful.

To be fair, I should include that my Mom did suggest that alternatively, she should invite her homosexual friends out for lunch instead. Since they're already friends though, I would imagine that sort of thing happens all the time anyway.

To me, this situation seems pretty cut and dry. I think she should go. But I get that not everyone would see it that way.

So, what do you think?

A Sense of Belonging

Lately, as I have begun a new job that I feel pretty inadequate at, and as I get ready to start at my fourth new school in four years, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the importance of the feeling of belonging.

In early high school I went on two Brio missions trips. Brio, for those who might not know, is (well, was...) a Christian girl's magazine put out by Focus on the Family.

The term Brio Magazine used to describe its subscribers was "Brio Sisses". They would use that term over and over again and I loved it. It made me feel so connected to something bigger than myself, something where I had a lot in common with the other people in the same network. I think a part of the draw for me to go on these missions trips was the appeal of actually joining up with other "Brio Sisses" so I could soak up how wonderful it was to be surrounded by people who understood where I was coming from.

Words cannot describe how great it was to talk to these other girls from all over Canada, the US and various other parts of the world and have conversations like,
"What's your favourite band?"
"Superchic[k]!"
"Me too!"

I think... I did a good job of being the ultimate Christian subculture poster child.

But now, just like a whole slew of others, I've awoken up from it all and realized that that world is not the point of why Jesus came. And that its a "world" with all its own drawbacks and evils, just like the one it tends to shun.

I think, though, that in desperately wanting to be a part of that world, I was simply desperately searching for community. And I'll probably always be doing that in some form.

Now I am somewhat in between catagories, I think. I like to think I'm a Christian hippie in the making, or something like that. I don't feel cool and artsy enough to be a real hippie, but I'm not conservative enough or as in touch with what's going on in Christian Subculture Land to be a part of that world either.

But does anybody really fit in to a rigid catagory? Should anybody fit into a rigid catagory?

What roll does conformity play in authentic community, if it plays a part at all? And does authentic community even have anything to do with labels like "Brio Sis" or "hippie"? Or is it about doing one's best to have all the different labels of people feeling accepted and loved under the same roof? Or something else entirely?

Yay life!

Lately I have been getting a lot of spam in my inbox, and today was no exception. One of the e-mails was from Sarah E. So-And-So and all I read on the subject line was "Congratulations!" I thought I had "won" some "contest." But then I opened it... and VOILA!
Dear Gloria,

Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the Arts, 4-Year Liberal Studies program in the Faculty of Arts at the University of Waterloo for the Fall 2009 term.

And I've been bouncing around ever since I opened this! :D

By the way, for those of you who don't know, I want to double major in Peace and Conflict Studies and Religious Studies. :)

Ugh.

Sometimes, the best way one can express emotion is through a grunt. That's what I think.

Right now I am standing in a gust of whirling thoughts and I'm not sure which one to grab onto and focus on.

(After much contemplation and editing...)

Today I saw my middle school crush. He was driving. I was biking. We were at an intersection. I'm pretty sure he saw me too because he looked over at me when he drove by. The experience made me smile because it made me happy seeing that I have concrete examples in my life of being able to put certain obsessions totally behind me.

I liked him for 3 years. Half that time we didn't even go to the same school anymore. For a twelve year old, that's dedication.

My crush was an awkward, Christian nerd back then. He grew up to be a gorgeous body builder though, and he writes things on his friends walls like, "Yo dawg! Let's go to the cluuuuuuuuuuub 2night! The laaaaaaaadies love me!" Personally, I liked him better when he was awkward.

The Roast Beef Miracle!

So I was weighing and packaging roast beef on wax paper, like I might do any other day at work... when I looked down and WHAM! There, starring right back at me, was a rabbit! My co-workers agreed. My boss took a picture which is going on the Facebook group for our store. It was quite exciting. If only it had been the face of the Virgin Mary... Oh well. :)

My Grand Adventure

I did it! This is how it went:

This was our shbeal: "Hi, I'm Gloria" "And I'm Michelle" "We're doing random acts of kindness today and we wondered if there was anything we could do for you! Housework, weeding...?"

We alternated taking turns speaking. It was my friend's idea to stick in the "random acts of kindness" part because that's a little more acceptable to people then "we're trying to show love to you".

At first we received a slew of rejections. Weirdly enough, a lot of people were like, "Actually, I JUST finished ALL my housecleaning now." Really? Sunday is cleaning day? Who knew!

A few people were nice but politely told us they couldn't think of anything for us to do. I suppose I understand. I don't know how I would react if someone had come to my apartment door asking me if she could do some housework for me.

One lady looked at us horrified, abruptly said, "No!" and closed the door on us. Then about 5 seconds later she opened the door again and told her little girl who was playing with the other kids to come inside. She came at the end of about 15 rejections, so even though I wasn't expecting people in general to be anything but weirded out, I was still a bit disheartened.

We went to a few more doors and were rejected a few more times.

Then we saw one Chinese lady out on her front lawn holding her baby. My friend said, "Let's go to her!" So we did. She couldn't think of anything, just like everyone else, but she asked if we were students, what we were doing this summer, where we lived, why we were doing this, etc. She then said, "Well, I can't think of anything today but I have been looking for a tutor to teach me English." Eager for SOMETHING, I said, "Okay!" She invited us in. So we came in and she chopped us up some watermelon and we talked with her for the next half hour or so! It turns out she has a phD and she's a professor at the university teaching some sort of business course. She doesn't know much about Canadian culture and especially wants to know about the culture of Canadian students! So, we arranged that every Sunday I would come for an hour and teach her about Canadian culture among young people!

AND She figured out I was a Christian from what I'm studying next year and asked what church I go to. It turns out, she's not a Christian, (she explained that most Chinese are atheists) but she's looking for a local church to visit! She said she wanted me to teach her about Christianity and that she was "open to it!" Whoah. I was NOT seeking to do that but that's SO cool!

So that was ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!

Eventually, we headed out and knocked on more doors. We had a lot more trouble with people actually answering their doors this time and we wondered if word of us got around and people just didn't want to deal with these two weirdos. Then we figured out that maybe we were starting to enter an area of the neighbourhood most occupied by absentee students, because a lot of the mailboxes were jam packed with mail.

Then we knocked on our final door. A girl about my age answered, we did our shbeal, and she couldn't think of anything at first. My friend suggested weeding. She nonchalantly was like, "Sure." We got a plastic bag from her and ecstatically started weeding - FINALLY! A job to do! The residents of the house didn't interact with us at all. At one point though, we filled the bag so I knocked on the door for another one. Some other guy answered the door and I was like, "Hi, we filled up our first bag, can we have another one?" He was like, "uhh... why are you weeding our lawn?" I explained that we were doing a random act of kindness. Apparently the first girl didn't tell anyone about us. Confused, he got us another bag and said, "uhh... thanks for doing that, eh?" That made me feel good. When he left the house a few minutes later he didn't even look at us though. I guess they didn't know what to do with these two randomers who wanted to do their weeding for them! Oh well.

So all in all it was quite an adventure. I would say that despite the many, many rejections, it was a wonderful way to spend an afternoon and I would totally do it again.

Yay for experiments!

Peace is The Opposite of Security

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It has been occurring to me lately that safety is not something I'm supposed to be concerned about because concern for my security is what often keeps me from living biblically and loving the way Jesus loved. Jesus himself seems to have little regard for safety, fasting for 40 days, not giving a defence for himself at his trial, speaking out against powerful figures, eating with the lowest of the low, and being homeless. His instructions to his disciples mirror this tendency.

Since high school, a prominent question on my heart has been, "What is the difference between those who follow Jesus and those who do not?" Honestly, most of the "differences" I have come across have been unsubstantial and inconsistent - certainly nothing to get too excited over.

I'm thinking maybe the difference is supposed to be that, just like in the Bible, with Jesus, his apostles and the prophets, God really does want us to risk our lives - figuratively AND physically. I'm thinking maybe true faith is supposed to be dangerous in its experimentation, that its ab0ut more than attempting to be a decently nice person in your day to day life and having a cosmic shoulder to cry on.

I don't mean to say that I'm going to try to kill myself. I do mean to say that I'm going to experiment with this idea of loving with literal abandonment of my self to the point where I don't let my own safety stop me from embracing my opporunities to love. I'm going to trust that God will protect me as He sees fit.

Project #1: Going door to door with a couple of friends in my city's poorest neighbourhood to ask if there is any house or yard work we can do for them for the afternoon for free. If nobody in the whole neighbourhood wants give us something to do, we'll pick up garbage off their streets.

I like this idea because its simple, it doesn't cost me any money, its relational and I find it terrifying. At the same time I'm not being entirely irrational (God DID give us brains...) - I won't be alone in this adventure (yay for crazy friends!) and my city's poorest neighbourhood is hardly the slums of India. From what I understand, this neighbourhood consists mostly of people on welfare, new immigrant families with young children and university students. That's not too much to handle for a first time experiment I think. We shall see.

My Brother is Awesome

My brother is in New Zealand right now, doing his university co-op.

He comes from a family of quiet, reserved people. Thus, I am so VERY proud of him for stepping outside our family's box and taking some risks! I am so proud, in fact, that I am going to show him off on my blog. Here are three of his documented adventures:

1) Sky-Diving

2) Bungee Jumping

3) Super Extreme Bungee Jumping

Yay Jon!

"Charity" Friendship - A Case Study in My Need for an Attitude Adjustment

The other week a friend of mine said, "I hope I'm not somebody's 'that friend', that awkward friend people keep around because they feel its their Christian duty." All of us agreed that that would be horrible. We all had examples of "that friend" in our own lives and we all assured each other that none of us was "that friend" to each other.

I admit I am currently ignoring a "we should keep in touch" e-mail from my present "that friend." Throughout the year, I have tried to keep up a friendly facade to his face. I feel guilty for ignoring him now but its gotten to the point where the mere sight of him exhausts me and I cannot keep up the act anymore. And because school is over, I no longer have to.

I've been thinking a lot about this. He is certainly not my first "that friend." But this is a case study so I'll focus on him. This is what I think I've figured out:

At first, I genuinely did think he was great. A little awkward and idiosyncratic, but seriously, who isn't? I myself am awkward and idiosyncratic. So whatever. I feel like this is important. I didn't ALWAYS see him as a "charity case".

Then I invited him to a Halloween party. At the party, we all played "The Story Game" where everyone writes a paragraph to begin a story. Then they pass the page along until everyone has had a chance to contribute their own paragraphs to the story. He was the only guy there. The rest were conservative females. He chose to write about things like rape, violence and incest. People were discusted and I was embarrassed. Despite this I never talked to him about it and I think I even thanked him for for his addition of testosterone to the party. I think it was more or less at this point when my real friendship turned into a charity friendship.

Then it began to creep me out that he always seemed to know what was going on on my Facebook wall. He would say things in class like, "I liked your status about the hippo!" when I had only changed my status to being about the hippo a few minutes before our class started. I was uncomfortable but I never talked to him about that either.

Then it really began to annoy me that he talked incessantly and never asked my opinion. In fact, he doesn't know who I am at all, because he didn't ask, or if he did, he didn't give me more than a few seconds to respond before interrupting. I felt used, like I wasn't a person but something for him to deposit his thoughts at. This has been my biggest cause for resentment. But I have never said a word about it.

I know I am one of his few friends, so I've tried to be "nice" to him. But you know, there's a reason people like that don't have many friends. Its because they don't know that what they do annoys people. And that's because those of us who are "ohhh-so-sacrificial" in putting up with them in the first place are all a bunch of non-confrontational fraidy-cats who don't actually care enough about these people to open up and just be honest! Or at least I am.

I'm not doing him a favor by silently enduring him. I'm just protecting myself from a potentially messy confrontation and encouraging his maladaptive social patterns! And that's really selfish of me.

How I reacted to him was wrong, stressful for me, and entirely unnecessary. I probably could have fixed things from the beginning if I had cared enough. I know I would never, ever want to be silently endured by someone I thought was my friend. I would not want to be someone's reason to feel like a superior good person because they have the patient stamina to put up with me long term. I would rather they just stopped being my friend.

Lesson: For the sake of other potential "those friends'" future friendships with other people and for my sanity so that I no longer ever have to have another "that friend" again, I resolve to get some balls.

But truly, this is often an issue I feel over my head in, so if you have something to add or point out to me, please do.

I Call This: Exams Make Life Seem Less Enchanting and Beautiful

An Original Picture by Gloria Bennett

Southern Ontario Weather is A Ruthless Flirt

From my experience with Northern Ontarioans and people from other provinces, it seems Southern Ontarioans whinge the most about the weather. In BC, snow is SO WONDERFUL because it doesn't come very often and its associated with positive things like skiing and snowboarding. In Manitoba, they have to like snow because it is their reality. I guess its like developing a good relationship with your little sister or something. They are just always there so you may as well enjoy them. Northern Ontarioans take the same attitude as Manitobans. But Southern Ontarioans... we have to deal with, not a little sister, but a RUTHLESS FLIRT from February to May! That's FOUR months of a flirtatious, on again off again, "friends with benefits" sort of relationship before we get any sort of commitment out of our weather! And we don't appreciate it. So we whine about it. A lot. And though this will reveal how tasteless in music I can be, it reminds me of this song.

Hmph. Dirty, Non-Committal, Heart-breaking Tease!

The Dude Who Always Wears a Skirt

I know I just posted like an hour ago, but, I'm at the library at school in between study groups and the Dude-Who-Always-Wears-A-Skirt is 3 meters away from me RIGHT NOW!

This is a guy, about 20, who I often see downtown or on a bus. He is always wearing a skirt. He generally wears serongs. The rest of his clothing looks old, worn and eccentric. And his hair is always a mess.

This guy is always smiling. Always. He's smiling right now and he's on a computer, writing something down on yellow paper.

My friend saw him hug a homeless man and tell him that he is loved.

I first encountered the Dude-Who-Always-Wears-A-Skirt at a folk concert. He looked a bit like Moses that night, Moses in a serong.

He intruiges me. If I was more brave I would talk to him. Just the sight of him makes me want to be just like him, eccentric and happy.

Seriously, he's smiling and he's FLIPPING THROUGH A DICTIONARY!

And... he just asked a group of girls nearby how to spell "insulted".

Hmm...

I better go.

Blue Like Jazz: The Movie

Yes, its real.

And, as sad and desperate as this sounds, in their attempt to up the quality of the production, YOU can be an "Associate Producer" for the low, low price of $99.95!
Benefits:
1)Your name in the credits!
2)A T-Shirt
3)You become Director Steve Taylor's "special friend."

Its true!
I read it on the internet:
Blue Like Jazz: The Movie

Another Anti-Facebook Rant

I think Facebook, the internet in general, cell phones, iPods and personal technology of all sorts can act as an opiate for our loneliness.

I take the bus nearly every day and every time I do, just about every single person on that bus has an iPod playing or a cell phone in hand. Heck, on at least a weekly basis, while on or waiting for the bus, I take my cell phone out and play with the settings just so that I can distract myself from whatever is going on around me. If I don't feel busy, I'll remember I'm sitting there alone and if I'm sitting there alone there's a good chance I'll start to feel lonely.

Personally, I don't like to acknowledge my own loneliness because I pride myself on being an introvert and introverts are supposed to love their alone time. I have also embraced the idea that silence is golden, and I find people who incessantly talk for the sake of talking and don't seem to ever actually say anything of any substance at all to be very annoying. My roommate, another adherent to the idea that silence is golden, is also a very quiet person and we spent hours living together in total silence. And, I really like the idea of being perfectly capable of entertaining myself, thank you very much. I pride myself on not being an attention whore

In other words, I interpreted loneliness as weakness, even ungodliness, because, you know, "all you need is God."

So I think instead of acknowledging my loneliness, I stuffed much of my alone time with opiates, especially Facebook. Now that Facebook is gone, I'm even resorting to other opiates. I've watched more TV this past week than the whole last semester combined I'm sure.

But maybe loneliness is God-given.

Maybe we're supposed to feel empty when not connecting with anyone else for the 6th hour straight. Maybe that shouldn't be something remedied by personal technology. Maybe its because its hard to actively love people when you spend most of your time alone, in your own little world, thinking to yourself as you go about your day quietly. And we are, after all, called to actively love people.

So maybe for me that means talking more, even if I don't have anything particularly profound, witty or funny to say. Maybe sharing mediocre stories and thoughts with my roommate or the guy beside me on the bus is okay too. And maybe when I feel lonely because I truly am physically alone I should call someone. Because, judging by the amount of time most people complain they waste on Facebook, I bet a lot of people aren't actually as busy as I think they are.

Anyway, these are the thoughts that have been formulating in my head these last couple of days. Ironically, I'm using this blog right now as an opiate, because I really was feeling down for being completely alone for the 6th hour straight. And now I do feel a little better. But then again it is 1:17am and I should probably have gone to bed rather than sit around feeling lonely or taking the time to type this out. But I really did need to clear my head before going to sleep. So this has been good. Or maybe I just should have called someone in a different time zone. But whatever. GOOD NIGHT!

Unengaged

You'd think removing Facebook from my life wouldn't have that much of an impact. I mean, its not like I was *always* on it. I DO have a life. I'm involved in school, volunteering, work, social stuff and of course classes and homework.

Yet I've found that without it I've become significantly more lonely. Not being on it really has made me feel disconnected. I couldn't understand why, I mean, I really do have friends and places to go. I thought, *Do I really need to have EVERY last hour of my day feeling as though I'm connected to other people?* I mean, I was alive before Facebook. I even went through the vast majority of high school without it. Facebook, in the grand scheme of my life, has been a relatively recent thing. And yet, without it, now life feels somewhat emptier.

And I think I've JUST figured it out.

As I was lecturing myself in my head about how I shouldn't feel the need to be connected to other people at all times, I realized that I really do spend a lot of time entirely quiet and self-contained, not relating to anyone at all. For example, I've been up 4 hours now and as far as social interactions go, I've had less than 20 minutes of conversation in the total course of that 4 hours. And this morning has been an exceptionally social morning too because of various circumstances. But I've still spent most of that time not engaged with anyone at all. And though I had class for 50 minutes of it, listening to a professor who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall hardly counts as time engaged in a real personal, social interaction.

Even when I'm volunteering, only about 1/3 of that time is actually spent engaged with someone else. Usually I'm just getting people coffee or juice. Or when I work, even if I'm working with someone else, most of the time we work there is silence as we both concentrate on our separate tasks.

There's lots of polite banter throughout all of my days, "thank yous," "sorrys" and "excuse me's" with various people I usually don't even make eye contact with. This also hardly counts as quality personal interactions.

Even when I'm at home with my roommate, even though we like each other and everything, most of the time we are at home we are either reading or on our computers. We have good conversations, but certainly not every day.

It makes me wonder, on a typical day, just how much time do I actually spend engaged with other people? I'm pretty sure the answer would be less than 10% most of the time. :S

NO WONDER I feel alone so often! I AM alone so often!

I'm pretty sure my life was not always this isolated. I think its very much the university lifestyle of lots of reading/assignments and impersonal, uninteractive lectures compounded with everyone's high internet use and our generally isolationistic society. Ontario is especially notorious for its cold and impersonal nature.

I know solitude is good and all, but I think maybe I've gone over board, and I don't think I'm the only one.

This weekend, I'm going to measure the amount of time I actually spend talking to people.

A Couple Noteworthy Art Pieces

Sometimes, its really rewarding being a Christian in my Art History classes. I get a lot out of many pieces because so much art was created with the intention to inspire its viewers to meditate on God and learn something about His character through their work. Here are some examples.

"The Gleaners" by Jean-Francois Millet, 1857


These women are gleaners. What they are gathering now, leftover grain from a harvest, is literally all that they will have to feed their families with. They are the poorest of the poor in French society. Notice the high horizon line, and how even though these women are at the forefront of the painting, none of them cross the horizon line because they are so "low." You cannot see their faces because to Parisian elites, the main audience of this painting, these people do not matter - much like how most North Americans don't care that much of their wardrobe was made in a sweatshop in China.

Though these people "do not matter," Millet is respecting them by painting them with expensive paint and presenting them to the public at one of the Louvre's salons, basically an annual sophisticated art show in Paris.

He is sending the message that these women are important to France, because their clothes together form the French flag.

Lastly, he paints them as heroic, strong women because with this painting, he reminds the audience of Ruth, from the Bible, who was also a gleaner - and a strong, heroic woman. By associating these women with her, he is by extension saying that these women are strong and heroic as well.

And I pretty much love it! It reminds me that Jesus loves these women SO MUCH, and that it is my job as His follower to love them as well. It reminds me that even though this was 150 years ago, the same thing is still happening today, in our post-colonial era, where the rich are off in their own world yet there are millions of people in the world living in absolute poverty, and this situation STILL must be redeemed.

Another favourite:
"Mary Magdelene" by Donatello, 1450s


This guy on youtube does a great job explaining this sculpture so I'll just let him do it. Its all dramatic and he has a good voice for explaining such things.

I love it because she looks like my heart has felt. The instant I saw it, even without having studying it, I thought, *I've been there too*. It reminds me that God accepts us where we are at, despite the disgusting states of our hearts.

7 Days Without Facebook

The results:

Mixed: There have been some highs and lows.

Highs:
- I made brownies, when I might not have otherwise, maybe.
- I browsed through lots of Thrift stores and am now the proud owner of 6 more cds (a dollar each!), a pair of shoes and two pairs of pants that I really needed.
- I got lots more real e-mails from people!
- One person I don't really talk to texted me and told me that they were proud and jealous of me for quitting.
- I finished and mailed two snail-mail letters!

Lows:
- The surprisingly small number of people who sent me their contact info. 400+ facebook friends and only about 10 replied!
- I realized that Facebook was my spot to go if I got lonely. I guess I used it to remind myself that I had friends or something? I didn't call or e-mail someone - I went on Facebook! How ridiculous is that?

This realization occurred when one day my roomy and her fiance left unexpectedly for a walk. I had homework, but I wasn't really in a frame of mind to do it. I really wanted to go on facebook, but I went to youtube instead. One video lead to another and before I knew it, they were back from their walk and I was in the midst of watching a 10 minute clip of Dakota Fanning on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I had been in some sort of youtube trance, where space and time didn't exist, but the presence of other people promptly placed me back in the real world. I suddenly felt sort of pathetic, since random youtube videos is an even bigger waste of time then facebook is, but I don't think they noticed what I was doing so whatever.
- "Did you go to the concert last night?" "No... there was a concert?" "Yeah! It was a last minute thing! It was on facebook! Didn't you get invited?"
- (At a home worship service thing... like Vespers, only, there was only about 9 ppl) "I'm really down. Somebody say something encouraging that happened this week!" *Silence... a loooong silence* "Uh... I quit facebook!" "WHAT? HOW are you supposed to get my messages about this now? WHAT! Why would you do something like that?!"

Best Lesson: I realized I used facebook as a way of caring about people without them knowing I cared about them. Its "safer" but much more stupid. I mean, I could stalk your profile every day and you'd have no idea. I realized its better for people to KNOW I care about them, by me, you know, actually interacting with them more. That seems best.

Mercury Hazards from Gold Mining to Humans, Plants, and Animals

Experimenting is fun.

The first conscious social experiment I remember trying out was in Gr. 8, when I decided to give up on trying to be cool and just hang out with the totally uncool kids - the people who accepted me as I was. That was the best social decision I ever made in my life. I was miserable prior to that decision and incandescently happy for the rest of the school year after I made the switch. It changed the way I would try to make friends forever. It also saved me from being an empty shell of a person for who knows how long. God (the source of the idea) was good.

The next experiment was about Gr. 11, when a friend and I wondered what would happen if we said "hello (insert name here)" to everyone we passed by at school that we knew the name of - the popular kids, the random kids, the kids in our class... everyone. I think the goal there was to attempt to get over our shyness. I think the experiment lasted about a week, because actually carrying out something like that was embarassing. Its safe to say that we failed royally. Oh well. I still like that idea though. After all, who doesn't like to be acknowledged?

This year I tried veganism... and lasted from September until Christmas. I just could not stand the temptation of being home and surrounded by loads and loads of chocolate. So I gave in and have been an "easy going" vegetarian ever since. What I mean by that is that now, if its far more convenient to eat meat, like at someone else's house for dinner, than I'll just suck it up and eat it.

I like this way of life because its more environmentally friendly, not to mention cheaper. I'm also far more aware of what I put in my body and what nutrients I need daily and weekly than I was before because of my vegan/vegetarian experiment. Also, as prideful as it sounds (and is), it helps me identify myself as a socially and environmentally conscious person, and so through the practice of abstaining from meat I am more conscious of how my actions as a consumer and global citizen affect the world around me.

Experimenting is fun. On this inside cover of this season's Geez, it says,

"What if we approached our troubled world less like earnest, hang-wringing, stern-talking, manifesto-brandishing world-changers...

...and more like slighly mad scientists?"

I love it. And it really convicted me. There are plenty of times I've talked with no action at all, plenty of things I support in theory but not in practice, and that's just silly.

Experimenting is fun.

Community Building Books!

One of my good friends and I are making tentative plans to start an intentional community house starting September 2010! We're incredibly excited, and are going to start reading as many Christian books on community as we can this summer. She backpacked through Europe this Summer and Fall and something she became a part of was 24/7 - a movement in Britian involving a community that has prayer going on 24/7 (if I understand properly). She is friends with the leader, who wrote the book Punk Monk : New Monasticism And The Ancient Art Of: New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing. For the past decade, his life has been all about community, so she asked him what books he would recommend for us. I thought some of you might be interested! Here is what he said:


Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship (Touchstone 1948). Bonhoeffer’s call to new monastic communities has echoed through the whole of this book.

Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water (Harper 2001). Foster explores the five great traditions of the Christian taking biblical, ancient and recent case studies of people who expressed them.

Eugene Peterson, Christ Plays in 10,000 Places (Eerdmans Publishing Co. 2005). Peterson’s ‘conversation in spiritual theology’ has become one of the central books on our Transit training year and in particular helped us think about ‘incarnational’ communities.

Abbot Christopher Jamison, Finding Sanctuary (Weidenfeld & Nicolson 2006). Written by the Abbot of Worth Abbey - featured in the TV show The Monastery – this is a helpful, readable and practical journey through monasticism and the rule of St.Benedict.

Jean Vanier, Community and Growth (Darton, Longman and Todd 1976). Written by the founder of the L’Arche community, this book is the one I regularly go back to in looking to learn and live out simple community. His chapters about meals and hospitality are especially helpful.

BAH! I'm SO excited! :D

Christian Hipsters

Are You A Christian Hipster?

Definitely worth looking at.

I am most definitely a Christian Hipster - though I'm sketched out by Benny Hinn.

Taken from Stuff White People Like

Thought for the Day

"...world-changing people are pretty unbalanced people, not like our middle-class placid existence. World changing people are like Ghandi and Tosltoy. No one would call them balanced. Even a Paul Brand; I’m sure his service to his patients [who often had leprosy] took a toll on his family." - Philip Yancey

Love is In the Air

E-mail I just sent to my Mom:

Hi Mom,
So, I know this might seem kind of sudden for you but I didn't want to say anything unless something was going to happen for sure. But... I have a boyfriend! Officially! His name is Dave. I met him at community dinner. Here is a picture of him for you! :) I love you!

Community

What is this thing, community?

I feel like a community would be a place of really being known and accepted for the person that you are - regardless of how different all the members of that community may be. So... shouldn't our primary responsibility be to our families - the original communities God placed us in?

I've been struggling with this a lot lately.

I've been feeling guilty because this summer I do not want to live at home. I feel like I am way too much of a black sheep there and I truly feel like my presence in that house makes every family member unhappy. Personally, by the end of last summer I was nearly suicidal with grief over how little I fit in anymore.

I may move into an intentional community here in Guelph for the summer. It just feels as though I'm taking the easy way out, scrapping one intentional community, the one I was born into, for another one - a more vegetarian-friendly, earth-friendly, Shane-Claiborne-fan-friendly one.

My Mom cried when I told her I wasn't going home this summer. She's taking it personally and feels like I think she's an awful mother. I think she must have forgotten how awful things really were when I was around.

I just... don't know what to do.

Male Modelling

Yesterday in a seminar the TA didn't show up for 20 minutes so we had a lot of time to kill. Most people were listening to their ipods, texting or facebooking. I just sat there, bored. The guy behind me was reading an interesting looking book so I decided to ask about it. We got talking, which was awkard because we were the only ones talking in this room of silent technology-absorbed individualism. We were half whispering, not really being sure what volume our voices should be at.

We got talking about cities because he was from Toronto and we were discussing the merits of both Guelph and Toronto. Then he brought up that New York was a nice city and how he went there over the Christmas break.

I asked, "Oh, how come you were in New York?"

"I was modelling. I'm a model," was his reply.

It was a confusing moment for me. Should I be impressed? Should I be intimidated? Did he assume I was attracted to him - especially now that he had told me this peice of information about himself? I didn't know what the social protocal was for behaving around male models!

I suppose its the same for the way you behave around normal people, but I secretly don't like excessively good looking people - especially males, because I assume they are snobby so I snub them first. He wasn't excessively good looking, but one would assume that the fact that he models and the fact that he throws it out there in introductory conversations probably means that he thinks he is excessively good looking, which is (of course) just as bad - except that he wasn't being snobby because we were having a perfectly fluid conversation. He was messing with my heuristics.

And that's really all I have to say about that.

Actually Doing Something

I had a gruesome four hour talk with my Mom and new stepdad over the holidays. If you saw my facebook status around New Years, "Gloria is frustrated and drained," (when oh when will I learn to stop being so melodramatic?) this was mainly the reason for it. Though I'm still a bit hurt and frustrated about some of the things that were said, it got me thinking.

Sometimes I'm in love with the idea of "saving the world" rather than actually actively doing something NOW about it. Case in point: Today, I met a guy in my Philosophy class and we got in a discussion about International Development and how he's in it and how I'm not anymore. I said, half seriously, "I'm sort of sad I'm not in it anymore because I've noticed that the most interesting people tend to be taking that program and I miss being associated with that." Its true though. I love the artsy anti-Walmart fair-trade coffee drinking, soy bean-eating, philosophy-reading image. Those people are cool! Yet I know that looking cool is FAR from the point.

I have lots of future dreams of doing all sort of wild ministry, but I'm not really actively involved any social change movements right now. I sponsor a child, but throwing money at a situation isn't exactly love in and of itself.

Therefore, this semester, I resolve to stop waiting until I graduate and actually get my hands dirty NOW.

Ain't It Good to Be Alive?

"I thought that a fairer era of life was beginning for me, one that was to have its flowers and pleasures, as well as its thorns and toils. My faculties, roused by the change of scene, the new field offered to hope, seemed all astir. I cannot precised define what they expected, but it was something pleasant: not perhaps that day or month, but at an indefinite future period." - Charlotte Bronte in Jane Eyre

I love the start of new semesters! There's so much possibility. There are new concepts to learn in new classes that will twist and pry at the way I already think. There are new idiosyncratic professors to marvel at. Best of all there are new people to meet and new conversations to be had! Also, second semester is the time to turn casual friendships forged in first semester into deep friendships, and I much, much prefer the latter.

Today, as I am surrounded by the hope of new possibilities, I cannot help but feel that it is good to be alive.

It also smells of stew in this computer lab which is a lovely smell so woot!